Book of Jim: Agnostic Parables and Dick Jokes From Lucifer's Paradise Read Online Free PDF

the last floating Jim began to think.  He thought, If Einstein goes through the brick wall, doesn’t the antiverse just become more paradise ?  If there’s a place beyond places, and you get there, then what’s beyond that?  I mean, you’ve got to be someplace .
    And the brick wall receded by the measure of the width of Jim’s head.
    “Hillbilly!”
    Einstein was probably right-side-up, but Jim could not deny the sensation that he was a wonderful center, and the universe turned about him.  And if he was a wonderful center, then Einstein was sideways and the sidewalk was a ladder.
    And the brick wall receded by the measure of the width of Jim’s head squared.
    So Einstein grabbed him by the foot and pulled him once more into orientation.  “What are you thinking?  Out with it!  Our proximity to the edge is intensifying its expansion.  Out with it!”
    “Well,” said Jim, “if paradise expands because of thinking, and you’re thinking about the other side of paradise , doesn’t that mean that paradise includes the other side of paradise ?”
    “No!”
    “Well why not?”
    “Brick.  Fucking.  Wall.”
    Einstein pointed, and Jim once more beheld the brick wall.  It was impressive.  But not that impressive, he thought.  If there was an other side , the wall could hardly be infinite.   And what about going right or left, to the place where the wall ended?  Was there more than one other side ?  Unless the wall was really a big hollow sphere and paradise was inside of it.  But then, the other side would really be the outside .  And what was outside of that ?
    And the brick wall receded by the measure of the width of Jim’s head cubed.
    Einstein shook him by the shoulders.  “Listen to me very carefully,” he said.  “All that we can do is observe that there is a wall.  Once the observation is made, it is our task to break through the wall.  We must not dwell upon it, because dwelling just pushes it further away.  Such is philosophy.  But we are here for science, Jim.  Science!”
    This made some sense to Jim.  He said, “So it’s like, focus on what’s in front of you.  Start with what you can see.”
    “Precisely,” Einstein said.  “And in front of you is a wall.”
    So the two of them stood in silence and beheld the wall together.  And when the idea came to Jim, he flinched at it, for he expected the wall to recede.  The wall remained.
    “What about the truck?” he said.
    “The truck?”
    “That thing is a classic.  Last of the Mercury M series and the first with a Windsor V8.  I’ll bet her frame is good old-fashioned steel, too.  She might get you through this wall.”
    “Well,” said Einstein, “perhaps if I drive really fast.”
    4
    Jim stood on the sidewalk at the bottom of the infinite brick wall.  He watched as Einstein pulled the truck out of the parking lot and drove it far into the darkness.  Jim couldn’t join him, for quoth the scientist,
    “You’re too dumb to bring back useful information.”
    The truck looped around and once more Jim beheld the two lights in the distance.  They grew larger and became closer at a pace that was beyond his comprehension.  He sucked a breath, time quivered in the gaps of space, and then there was a big crash.
    In the wall there was a hole in the shape of the truck.  Jim thought, It’s like Looney Tunes.  Einstein just Looney Tuned a Ford into the antiverse .
    But he didn’t look through the hole, for he was afraid of what he might think about that , and what such thinking might destroy.
    Then a plain white envelope floated through the hole.  It was addressed to: Jim, Near the Hole in the Infinite Wall at the Edge of paradise.   Jim took up the envelope and opened it, for it was addressed to him, and he found inside a letter and a pair of dice.  The dice were glossy red.  The letter said,
    Dear Jim,
    It worked!  You goddamn crazy hillbilly, it worked!  The antiverse is at the mercy of the powers of