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him to hold me in his arms. I wanted his arms around me. I wanted to feel his lips on what was left of my face. But one touch from him and I’d lose it. And he’d never move on. Not if he saw how much I needed him.
    When I opened my eyes he was staring at me. His eyes glistened. “I’m not going anywhere, Sarah. You can’t push me away.”
    He tried to touch my hand. I pulled away, fighting back tears with everything inside of me. He brushed his fingers through his hair and sighed. I wanted his fingers tangled in my hair like the night he proposed. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. James, I screamed inside as my chest tightened. I still love you, sweet boy. I’m doing this because I want better for you.
    “We will never be together, James.” I tried to look mean. “Look, I’ve done a lot of thinking and I realized we just aren’t good for each other.”
    “We are so good for each other. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. This terrible mess doesn’t change that.”
    “You will find someone better.”
    “Please, Sarah.” He covered his eyes with his hands and shook his head. “This is all my fault. My stupid idiot self. I’ve ruined everything.”
    And he’d feel that way every day for the rest of our lives if I didn’t help him find someone else. I caught Cheyenne losing herself in him again. She looked away, embarrassed. As much as it pained me to let him go, I knew Cheyenne would be good to him. She deserved him. I trusted her with the heart I once held. My sweet James.
    I reached for his hand and squeezed it. His eyes gained a little more color and life. He squeezed back.
    “Could you do me a favor?” I said. “I’d love some ice cream from Bailey’s shop.”
    “Caramel Brownie Dream?”
    I nodded.
    “Cheyenne,” I said.
    She pretended to look back to her book.
    “Would you mind keeping him company? I need some time alone.”
    She practically somersaulted off the bed. James twisted the keys in his hand as he stood and waited for her. A few seconds later, they left the room. When the car doors shut and the engine started, I pulled a pillow to my face and cried into the fluff. I tried not to remember the pillows from his proposal as I pressed the cotton against my face. I tried not to imagine all the nights we were going to spend together, waking up to each other’s smile. I tried, so unbelievably hard, not to cry myself to sleep as I blocked thoughts from growing seeds in my heart.
    But I did. I cried myself right into a dream. A dream of life before the fire.

Five
    Ella held Adelaide on Cheyenne’s bed. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the clock. Three hours passed. I checked my nightstand. No ice cream. Did my plan work?
    “James and Cheyenne brought you ice cream, but you were deep in sleep. It’s in the freezer if you want it.”
    I shook my head. “You can have it.”
    “Are you trying to set James and Cheyenne up?”
    “Why do you know me so well?”
    She placed Adelaide on the bed beside her.
    I prepared myself to sit up. Always hurt a lot to get up after sleeping. My poor muscles were so tense. Ella noticed my struggle and helped swing my legs over the bed while she kept her other hand on her baby’s belly.
    “Thank you,” I said. “So, did it work?”
    “I don’t like this idea.” Her phone rang. She silenced it and continued, “If you both love each other, why would you let an obstacle keep you apart?”
    “This isn’t an obstacle. If we stay together he will always blame himself. Life will never be normal for him.”
    “What about you?” She leaned back and rubbed Adelaide’s face. “How are you?”
    I stood and reached for the water bottle on my bed. “I’m fine. Everything will be fine.”
    “Sometimes everything isn’t fine. And that’s okay.”
    I needed to focus on others instead of myself, but how? I couldn’t even drive myself anywhere. I longed for the day I’d be completely self-sufficient again. I dreamed of my own apartment