Bloodland: A Novel Read Online Free PDF Page B

Clinic. Not very glamorous, I suppose, but at least I’m still alive.’
    Jimmy nods again. Doesn’t seem like she’s going to let him pace himself. He leans forward in his chair.
    ‘I’m sensing a little resentment here, Maria.’
    ‘Oh you are, are you?’
    She looks as if she’s about to tear strips off him, but suddenly her eyes well up. She puts her glass down and stifles a sob. After a moment she produces a tissue from her pocket. She dabs her eyes with it and then blows her nose.
    ‘Sorry.’
    Jimmy shrugs. ‘For what?’
    Maria holds up the tissue. ‘This,’ she says, and shrugs too. ‘I don’t know. But you’re right about one thing. I do feel resentment. A lot of resentment.’ She tucks the tissue into her sleeve. ‘When I was younger I resented Susie. I resented her looks and her success. Then I resented the way she squandered her success and didn’t seem to care, didn’t even seem to notice. I resented the media, and the cops, and her friends, anyone we had to deal with after the crash. I resented the fact that Mum and Dad had to suffer so much, and not just the grief, but the indignity, the intrusion. Now they’re both dead and for some reason I resent them, too. Don’t ask me why. And of course I resent you . But you’re easy. You want to revive the whole thing, drag me into it, get me talking. So what do you expect? In fact, if you’re not careful I might pile all my resentments into one big basket and slap your name on it.’
    Looking at her now, listening to this, Jimmy already sees a different Maria from the one he spotted out in the lobby only a few minutes earlier, a different Maria from the one he pictured in his head through all those phone calls and e-mails. For one thing – and he can’t believe he’s only seeing this now – she’s actually very attractive. Not in the way Susie was, but in her own way. She’s tough, and she’s vulnerable, and there’s a light in her eyes, a spark of something, of spirit, of real intelligence.
    ‘I get that,’ he says. ‘I do. It makes sense. But you have to understand … a lot of people are interested in your sister, still interested. She struck a chord.’
    ‘Oh bullshit. She was a celebrity, and one of the best kind, too, the kind who dies.’
    Jimmy raises an eyebrow at this.
    ‘Don’t get me wrong,’ Maria goes on. ‘I loved my sister. I just wish things had been different.’
    ‘In what way?’
    ‘Between us . For her . In every way.’
    ‘Right.’
    Jimmy has a sense that this isn’t going to be easy. As usual with a human-interest story you talk to someone, look them in the eye, and what happens? Things get knotty, ambivalence creeps in, black merges with white and you end up with an amorphous headachy grey.
    ‘Susie loved being famous,’ Maria says, reaching for her wine again. ‘She really wanted it, always did, but it gnawed at her soul that that was all what she wanted … because she knew on some level … she knew it was nothing .’ Maria takes a sip from her glass. ‘And that made her do reckless things, made her be reckless.’
    Jimmy hesitates, then says, ‘That’s a whole narrative right there, Maria. It’s a perspective no one’s heard before. People will be interested in that.’
    Maria looks alarmed. ‘Yeah, but they won’t be hearing it from me . I’m just shooting my mouth off. Being a little reckless myself.’ She takes another sip of wine. Then she furrows her brow. ‘Is this some technique you’re using here? Getting me to talk?’ She pauses. ‘You have a sympathetic face. Maybe that’s it.’ She pauses again. ‘But I suppose the real question is do you know you have a sympathetic face and use that fact, or is it just –’
    She stops, looks away, shakes her head.
    ‘Jesus, listen to me. This is why I didn’t want to meet you, you know. I’m a talker. I talk . And what happened to my sister is something I haven’t talked about in a very long time, to anyone. And the thing is