Blood Vivicanti (9780989878586) Read Online Free PDF Page B

husband, and with fears of failing to pay
bills. But he didn’t let his fears control him. He mastered his
fears by living one day at a time, trusting that a higher power
loved all people and had a great plan for the whole
world.
    His self-confidence
staggered me.
     
     
     
     
    Living in Leah’s Blood
Memories was like becoming a person of organization and duty. She
did not have a photographic memory like me. She’d had to condition
her memory. She had to systematize the way she learned.
    That kind of thinking was
entirely new to me. Her keen sense of personal responsibility
inspired me.
     
     
     
     
    Living in the Blood
Memories of the youngest, Eve, was becoming the person I never
thought I’d be. Eve felt safe. She had nothing to worry about. Her
dad loved her. Her mom nurtured her. Her sister taught her
important lessons about growing up. Eve was walled in by the love
of her family.
    I’d never had that. I’d
never even guessed that was possible.
     
     
     
     
    I went back for
more.
    I only needed a pint a
week. It’s true. But I started having two pints a week – Joe and
Leah, one week – Mary and Eve, the next.
    This lasted a month. I kept
telling myself: “Two pints, you don’t need any more. Just
two.”
    But once I’d had the blood
from each member of the family, I wanted more. I thought I needed
more.
    Wants and needs get so
confusing when I feel desperate and lonely.
     
     
     
     
    With every new pint, their
blood gave me new Blood Memories.
    Twice a week became a few
times a week.
    And a few times became once
a day.
    I was telling myself: “It’s
only a pint. Don’t worry, you’re not overdoing it.”
    I was making a perfect pig
of myself for blood. I was becoming a drunk for Blood
Memories.
     
     
     
     
    I wasn’t thinking about the
family. I was rationalizing drinking more of their blood than I
needed. I was rationing them like the food I wanted. I told
myself: Their bodies can replace a pint of
blood in a few days.
    I never drank less than a
pint. Although sometimes I did drink a little more than
that…
    Okay, maybe a lot
more.
     
     
     
     
    Villagers noticed that the
family was looking tired and pale. Joe was out of breath a lot.
Mary and their daughters were losing patience with one another more
often. The family was fighting.
    My selfishness was undoing
the beauty I adored in them.
     
     
     
     
    The power of my venom
healed their flesh so that the mark of my pierce never remained.
And I should have marveled that I had within myself the power to
heal others.
    But I was too busy hurting
the ones I loved. I was treating them like dolls with dead
eyes.
    I never stopped to think
whether the wounds I left were more than skin-deep. No one ever
taught me to value other people’s minds. I had not yet learned the
cost of living with a mind not only malformed, but also
malfunctioning.
     
     
     
     
    Some mornings I’d wake up
feeling groggy. Too many blood Memories would be churning in my
head.
    But I always awoke feeling
down-right guilty.
    Every morning I’d promise
myself: No more blood
tonight .
    Every night I’d break my
promise. I would drink blood to escape the guilt I felt.
    The cycle was
terrible.
    I’d sneak out from the
mansion in the middle of the night. I’d drink the family’s blood.
I’d escape into their memories. I’d feel gorged and utterly
gluttonous.
    I couldn’t stop. I tried.
Not drinking their blood wasn’t physically painful. It was
emotionally horrific – and that made it physically
painful.
    I had blinded myself to the
truth: I yearned to stop drinking blood, yet at the same time I was
too afraid to do so.
    My life had become
unmanageable.
     
     
     
     
    In no time I fell back into
my old reclusive ways, like the way I was in high school. I started
going off alone.
    Theo noticed. Wyn did too.
“It’s a phase,” they assured one another.
    It was the first time Wyn
didn’t treat me like a science project.
    Everyone left me to myself.
I