Blood of the Lamb Read Online Free PDF Page B

Thomas, in all seriousness. Yours is one of the strongest vocations I’ve ever come across. But what made you think you’d never have doubts? Jesus himself had doubts. Doubt is the coin which buys our faith. That this never happened to you before might be lucky or unlucky. You’re farther down the road than most when the first crisis comes. But eventually everyone arrives at this chasm and has to find a way to jump it.”
    “First crisis? I can expect this to happen again?”
    “Forget I said that.”
    “No, it’s actually hopeful. It almost gives a context.”
    Lorenzo regarded Thomas in silence. Knocking ash from his cigar, he said, “I saw this coming.”
    “You did? Why didn’t—why didn’t I?”
    “Why didn’t I warn you, you mean. Could I have said anything you’d have believed? What’s happened to you is one of the hazards of scholarship. Knowledge is power, isn’t that what we say? But power corrupts. An institution based on knowledge and learning can’t help but be a corrupt institution.”
    “You’re calling the Church corrupt?”
    “There’s the flaw!” With a joy Thomas remembered from the classroom, Lorenzo pounced. “The Church isn’t based on knowledge! It’s built on faith! What drew you to the priesthood, Thomas? The spiritual magnet of faith. Indefinable. Mystical, even. If you’d chosen the contemplative life and locked yourself in a monastery you’d have been fine. But you made the mistake of engaging your faith with the world. In your case, through the study of history.”
    “With you as my guide.”
    “Yes, all right, I made the same mistake. And had a similar crisis, if that’s what you’re fishing for. Until I realized that all the knowledge in the world can’t stand against faith. No matter what you learn, Thomas, your faith is still there behind it all. The magnet’s still pulling.” The Bishop’s cigar had gone out; he lit it, puffed on it, and resumed.
    “It’s the learning that’s troubling you, isn’t it? The evidence is too heavy to ignore: that no one associated with this enterprise, by which I mean the Church, is divine, with the exception of our Lord. It’s a shining exception. But the discovery makes you wonder. Thomas, I want you to remember this: Knowledge is about facts. Faith is concerned with truth. They’re not necessarily the same. That’s what you’ve flown halfway across the country to discuss, isn’t it? Come, it’s time for dinner. I don’t think there was ever a discussion of faith not improved by a bottle of wine.”
    •   •   •
    That evening didn’t set Thomas back on firm ground, but it gave him a life preserver to cling to in the frightening waters of misgiving. They talked for three days; it was, finally, a practical suggestion by the Bishop that realigned the world, showed Thomas a direction to follow while he waited to see if his faith would return.
    “One of your strengths as a historian,” Lorenzo said as morning sun poured through the window, “has always been your broad range of interests. Periods, places. Now I’m going to suggest another approach. Something different has happened to you, Thomas, and perhaps it calls for a response in kind.” The Bishop stretched out and crossed his legs. “The intellectual life of the nineteenth century, in America and Europe, revolved around faith. What it was, who had it, where and when it was needed. It was a powerful set of questions, sometimes created by, and sometimes creating, political and military movements. Questions of faith moving secular societies. I’m suggesting you focus your attention in that arena.”
    Thomas considered. “Randomly? Or do you have something specific in mind?”
    “Of course I do. You sure I can’t give you one of these?” He gestured to the humidor. As always, Thomas shook his head. He couldn’t think of half a dozen times outside of meals and the celebration of Mass that he’d seen Lorenzo without a cigar. Early on he used to