Blindsided Read Online Free PDF Page B

could see of Miss Audra, she was petite—probably no taller than Natalie herself—and Natalie had glimpsed a long braid down the instructor’s back.
    “Select one and let’s see if it’s the right length,” Miss Audra prodded.
    Natalie reached out, her fingers quivering, hesitating because she didn’t want to touch a cane, let alone use it. Finally, she grabbed one, yanking it off the hook so fiercely that she knocked several other canes onto the floor with a loud clatter.
    “Don’t worry, we’ll pick them up later,” Miss Audra said, unfazed by the noise and the mess. “Focus on the cane in your hand, Natalie.”
    Natalie tapped the cane tip on the floor—a little too hard probably—and could tell it had a stationary pencil tip, as opposed to the canes that had a little wheel that rolled when the cane moved side to side.
    “Is that the kind you want?” Miss Audra asked.
    Want? I don’t want a cane! Natalie screamed silently to herself.
    “All right, then.” Miss Audra’s voice maintained its calm despite the lack of response from Natalie. “Let’s see if it’s the right size. Stand up tall, Natalie, shoulders back, and hold the cane in front of you. Closer. That’s it. What did we just talk about? If it’s up to your breastbone, up to your armpit, it’s the right length. What do you think?”
    The cane was slightly higher than her waist. Must be for a midget, Natalie thought a bit snidely. Or a small child, she realized.
    “No,” Miss Audra said when Natalie maintained her silence. “It’s not the right one for you, is it? It’s way too short.”
    Natalie fumbled around for another cane. By feeling bumps along its length she could tell it was the folding type, which most students had. The tip was straight, no roller, and it came up to her armpit.
    “How about that one?” Miss Audra asked.
    Natalie nodded, barely, but her heart was pounding and the blood throbbing in her temples. If she learned how to use that cane there would be no going back. She would be giving in. Admitting to the problem. Opening the door to loathsome blindness. Afraid, she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out how it would look, and what it would mean.
    “All right, then. That’s your cane. It has three parts: the grip, the stem—some people call it the shaft—and the tip. When we’re finished today, take this cane back to your room. A lot of the kids put something on the handle, the grip, to identify it as theirs. A ribbon or some yarn, a key chain maybe.”
    Identify it as hers? Natalie almost laughed. No way!
    “And please ,” Miss Audra emphasized, “keep the cane in a special place in your room, Natalie. Always in the same place so you know where it is. When you have O and M—Orientation and Mobility class—you need to bring it with you.”
    If she lost it, she’d be glad, Natalie thought.
    “Now,” Miss Audra continued, “a cane is really just an extension of your finger—a way of telling you what’s coming up. Let’s have you put the sleep shade on and get out into the hall and try it.”
    But when Miss Audra handed Natalie the spongy black mask, Natalie drew the line. She did not want to blind herself with the shade and take the cane into the hall and try it. She certainly did not want to take the cane back to her room and find a special place for it. Tears welled in Natalie’s eyes and spilled down her cheeks.
    “Natalie, what’s wrong?” Miss Audra put an arm around Natalie’s shoulders and guided her to a chair. “Here, sit down. Please. Talk to me.”
    Natalie sat and held the sleep shade in her lap.
    “What is it, Natalie?”
    “It’s just that . . . I don’t want a cane,” she said finally. “I don’t want to learn how to use it.”
    “Why not?”
    “Why not?!” Natalie swung her head around and screwed up her face, repeating the question as though Miss Audra was crazy to ask it.
    “Yes. Why not?”
    “Because I’m not blind! Because I don’t need a cane. Because I