Blandings Castle and Elsewhere Read Online Free PDF Page B

been standing on one leg, and his constrained
attitude annoyed Lord Emsworth.
    'Right-ho,' said Freddie, taking a chair. 'I say, guv'nor, since
when the foliage?'
    'What?'
    'The beard. I hardly recognized you.'
    Another spasm of irritation shot through his lordship.
    'Never mind my beard!'
    'I don't if you don't,' said Freddie agreeably. 'It was dashed
good of you, guv'nor, to come bounding up to town so promptly.'
    'I came because your telegram said that you were in trouble.'
    'British,' said Freddie approvingly. 'Very British.'
    'Though what trouble you can be in I cannot imagine. It is
surely not money again?'
    'Oh, no. Not money. If that had been all, I would have applied
to the good old pop-in-law. Old Donaldson's an ace. He thinks
the world of me.'
    'Indeed? I met Mr Donaldson only once, but he struck me as
a man of sound judgment.'
    'That's what I say. He thinks I'm a wonder. If it were simply
a question of needing a bit of the ready, I could touch him like
a shot. But it isn't money that's the trouble. It's Aggie. My wife,
you know.'
    'Well?'
    'She's left me.'
    'Left you!'
    'Absolutely flat. Buzzed off, and the note pinned to the pincushion.
She's now at the Savoy and won't let me come near her;
and I'm at a service-flat in King Street, eating my jolly old heart
out, if you know what I mean.'
    Lord Emsworth uttered a deep sigh. He gazed drearily at his
son, marvelling that it should be in the power of any young man,
even a specialist like Freddie, so consistently to make a mess of
his affairs. By what amounted to a miracle this offspring of his
had contrived to lure a millionaire's daughter into marrying him;
and now, it seemed, he had let her get away. Years before, when a
boy, and romantic as most boys are, his lordship had sometimes
regretted that the Emsworths, though an ancient clan, did not
possess a Family Curse. How little he had suspected that he was
shortly about to become the father of it.
    'The fault,' he said tonelessly, 'was, I suppose, yours?'
    'In a way, yes. But—'
    'What precisely occurred?'
    'Well, it was like this, guv'nor. You know how keen I've
always been on the movies. Going to every picture I could
manage, and so forth. Well, one night, as I was lying awake,
I suddenly got the idea for a scenario of my own. And dashed
good it was, too. It was about a poor man who had an accident,
and the coves at the hospital said that an operation was the only
thing that could save his life. But they wouldn't operate without
five hundred dollars down in advance, and he hadn't got five
hundred dollars. So his wife got hold of a millionaire.'
    'What,' inquired Lord Emsworth, 'is all this drivel?'
    'Drivel, guv'nor?' said Freddie, wounded. 'I'm only telling you
my scenario.'
    'I have no wish to hear it. What I am anxious to learn from
you – in as few words as possible – is the reason for the breach
between your wife and yourself.'
    'Well, I'm telling you. It all started with the scenario. When
I'd written it, I naturally wanted to sell it to somebody; and just
about then Pauline Petite came East and took a house at Great
Neck, and a pal of mine introduced me to her.'
    'Who is Pauline Petite?'
    'Good Heavens, guv'nor!' Freddie stared, amazed. 'You
don't mean to sit there and tell me you've never heard of
Pauline Petite! The movie star. Didn't you see "Passion's
Slaves"?'
    'I did not.'
    'Nor "Silken Fetters"?'
    'Never.'
    'Nor "Purple Passion"? Nor "Bonds of Gold"? Nor "Seduction"?
Great Scott, guv'nor, you haven't lived!'
    'What about this woman?'
    'Well, a pal introduced me to her, you see, and I started to
pave the way to getting her interested in this scenario of mine.
Because, if she liked it, of course it meant everything. Well, this
involved seeing a good deal of her, you understand, and one
night Jane Yorke happened to come on us having a bite together
at an inn.'
    'Good God!'
    'Oh, it was all perfectly respectable, guv'nor. All strictly
on the up-and-up. Purely a business relationship. But the
trouble