Blame It on the Dog

Blame It on the Dog Read Online Free PDF Page B

Book: Blame It on the Dog Read Online Free PDF
Author: Jim Dawson
underlines the film’s view of [his character, Louis] as the physical joke butt.”
    Warner Bros. loved the bad press, however, and took a cue from Nickelodeon; when it released
Kangaroo Jack
on DVD, one of the extras was a featurette called “Behind the Gas,” with sound engineer Stevie “Bud” Johnson explaining how he and his assistant came up with “the pure sound we were looking for.” According to Johnson, they experimented with a Whoopee Cushion, a Fart Machine, a large Mexican take-out meal, the old hand-in-the-armpit trick, and even the reliable razz using their lips and tongues, but they never revealed exactly what combination they used to create camel farts.
    The studio also made sure that when Matthew Lillard returned in
Scooby Doo
2, he delivered a spectacular, well-choreographed fart dance. Speaking about it to Eric S. Elkins at UnderGroundOnline ( http://ugo.com/ugo ) in June 2004, Lillard said, “I remember the night before [the scene], in my underwear, I posed in front of the full-length mirror, and … you also realize, I’ve done Shakespeare, and here [I am] doing this fart dance.”
Hark! What wind through yonder buttocks breaks?
    Unfortunately, at the eighteenth annual Kids’ Choice Awards in 2005, Lillard had to sit on those buttocks all through the show because there was no longer any Favorite Fart Blimpy. Though apparently no parents or religious groups complained publicly about all the body noises, Nickelodeon decided to play it safe and not tempt fate in these dark, perilous times.
    Or perhaps the network simply didn’t want to reduce the American fart award to its Swedish counterpart. In November2004, at a separate version of the Kids’ Choice Awards airing from Stockholm, a plurality of 100,000 young voters inexplicably chose an exploding underwater mine in
Finding Nemo
as Favorite Fart in a Movie.
    Or maybe, as comic Al Franken predicted a decade ago, the government has simply installed a universal “F-chip” to block out all farting on television.

THE FARTING FEMMES OF NON-VIRTUOUS REALITY
    T he trendiest fetish in porno right now is girls farting on your computer. A recent Googling of the term “girls who fart” brought up 1,790 sites on the Internet. “Women who fart” revealed another 1,350, including one specialty-item page called “women who fart into cakes.” (Don’t ask.) “Farting women” added yet another 1,800. One website features Lizz, a self-proclaimed Queen of Farts ( http://queenoffarts.com ) who invites visitors to hear and watch her letting barbecued-bean farts, thundering toilet bowl farts, burbling bathtub farts, even poofed-up-pajamas farts—all caught on live cams and videos. Lizz also features a page of letters from her mostly male club members rhapsodizing about female cheezers they’ve smelled, heard, or dreamt about.
    “I think the most exciting thing men like to see is the sheer embarrassment a woman feels when she accidentally lets one go,” says Liz P., Queen Lizz herself, who lives in the San Francisco area. “Or they get excited by seeing just the opposite—a confident woman like me purposely ripping one out for everyone to enjoy. But then you have the fetish guy who associates a woman’s farts with face sitting. These men … take genuine pleasure in being dominated, treated like a seat cushion, and being smothered by their queen. And hopefully humiliated and forced to receive her royal perfume.”
    But normally, Ms. P.’s butt-gas business is a little more prosaic. “Believe it or not, the most common requests are for very casual andnatural farts, where I am fully clothed,” she says. “In all honesty, most of my members don’t want to see my naked body at all. It’s not the human form that turns them on, but rather the act of farting itself in an everyday situation. If a woman is at work and has to let one go, would she run outside and take all her clothes off and announce her fart? No, she would secretly go to a quiet,
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