Black Tickets Read Online Free PDF Page B

the waist and slammed the door.
    After school I walked to the restaurant and helped her clear tables till seven. She cursed the miners under her breath. Slapped my butt if I was slow, moved her hard hand, its big twisted knuckles. Grabbed the curve of my ass and squeezed.
    Wumpy came in every night for coffee. He cut brush for the State Road Commission. Watched Minnie and me. Kitty started coming in with him. Cellophane Baggie full of white crosses, cheap speed. She’d order a Pepsi, take a few pills, grind a few more to powder on the tabletop. She winked, gave me hair ribbons, said she’d like to take me to the movies. Wumpy told Minnie I needed some clothes, he and Kitty would take me to Pittsburgh to buy me some dresses. They gave her thirty dollars.
    In the motel I stood in the bathroom and vomited. Sopors floated in the bowl, clumps of white undissolved powder in a clear mucus. I puked so easy, again and again, I almost laughed. Then they came in naked and took off my clothes. I couldn’t stand up, they carried me to the bed. Wumpy got behind her and fucked her, she kept sayingwords but I couldn’t keep my eyes open. She pulled me down. She said Honey Honey. In the bottom of something dark I rocked and rocked. His big arms put me there until he lifted me Lifted me held my hips in the air and I felt her mouth on my legs, I felt bigger and bigger. The ceiling spun around like the lights at Children’s Center spun in the dark halls when I woke up at night. Then a tight muscular flash, I curled up and hugged myself.
    I stood by the window and fingered the flimsy curtains. I watched them sleeping, I didn’t leave. I watched Wumpy’s broad back rising and falling.
    Wumpy would never do it to me, he gave me pictures to sell. I wanted to give him the money, he laughed at me. He had little stars in the flesh of his hands. He took me to bars. We took a man to some motel, Wumpy said he always had to watch … stood by the bed while I choked and gagged a little, salt exploding in my throat—
    The dream is here again and again, the dream is still here. Natalie made the dream. I slept with her when I was eight, six months we slept together. She whimpered at night, she wet the bed. Both of us wards of the state, they got money for us. Cold in the bedroom, she wrapping her skinny arms around my chest. Asking can she look at me. But I fall asleep, I won’t take off my clothes in bed with her. I fall asleep and the same dream comes.
    Natalie is standing in the sand. Behind her the ocean spills over, the waves have thick black edges. Natalie in her shredded slip, knobby knees, her pale blue eyes all watery. Natalie standing still as a dead thing spreads her legs andholds herself with her hand. Her fingers groping, her white face. She squeezes and pulls so hard she bleeds She calls for help She wants me. Faces all around us, big faces just teeth and lips to hold me down for Natalie. Natalie on top of me Natalie pressing down. Her watery eyes say nothing. She sighs with pleasure and her hot urine boils all around us.
    I remember like this: Natalie watches me all the time. They’re gone all day, we stay alone with the silent baby. Once there’s no food but a box of salt. Bright blue box, the silver spout pops out. The girl with the umbrella dimples and swings her ponytails, flashes her white skin. I can eat it Natalie. I can eat it all. She looks out the window at the snow. I know she’s scared. I sit down on the floor at her feet. The box is round like a tom-tom, I tip it up. Salt comes in my mouth so fast, fills me up but I can’t quit pouring it … I start to strangle but Natalie won’t look, she screams and screams. She kicks at me with her bare blue feet, the box flies across the room throwing fans of salt. When it gets dark, salt gleams on the floor with a strange cool light. Natalie stays in her chair without moving and I get to sleep alone.
    I got lavish cards at Children’s Center, I think a jokester sent them. To