Black Box 86ed Read Online Free PDF

grabbing for her hand. I hold it and for a second in between bounding pumps of blood through my body I’m the happiest and most scared I’ve ever been. Praying to God, hoping she can’t feel the bounds of my heart through my fingertips . I look at her and time seems to have come to a halt as I wait for her to smile, to laugh. I don’t know, anything positive I will take. But… but something’s wrong. It’s not that she is letting go, but I see her fighting. Fighting in her head. O God she doesn’t want this. How the hell can she not want this? Something so obvious to me and yet she struggles?
    “Listen” she says but I cut her off.
    “It’s fine I don’t need an excuse. Can’t blame me for trying,” I laugh out as I let go of her hand my cowardly way of avoiding a conversation that I’m not sure I can handle. We walk in awkward silence as everything that has lead of to this crumbles down around me. Every joke, every hug, every phone call.
    Welcome to the friend zone Will, I think in my head. I’d give you a tour but you’ve already seen everything that you get to. I’m so flustered that I can’t even imagine who would give that tour.
    “You all right?” Grace asks.
    “Ya of course, I’m fine with being friends if that’s what you want.”
    “Oh… it’s just, you were making weird faces.”
    “Oh, ha I might have been talking to myself, I do that a lot.”
    “Anything good?” She asks obviously clawing for a conversation to end this awkwardness.
    “Not that I can think of.” The only reply I can muster. What are you doing, if there is ever a moment to not be a sad case this is it. You have to show her, you have to make her know everything will be fine. You will regroup and we will try this again. Just better next time. I open the door to her car and sit down as she does the same.
    “I got some weed, you wanna smoke a bowl?” I ask.
    “Sure,” she replies handing me her purse. I rummage through it pulling out her black bowl. She turns on the stereo as we pull out of the parking lot. Thank god something to fill this void. I can honestly say I’ve never wanted to hear a Lady Blah, Blah song so badly.
    “I can’t remember, when was the last time I told you how terrible your music is?” I ask trying desperately to bring us back to our regular selves.
    “Fuck you,” she smirks.
     
    CHAPTER…
     
    We drive to her trailer each taking turns hitting the bowl. Walking in, the party has already started. Immediately greeted with beers and bongs, with some terrible rap music playing.
    “There you guys are,” Mike says already hammered. He stumbles up and hugs me.
    “Dam man you’re really going to make me have to catch up to you?” I ask.
    “Ha, you will never get to my level,” he smiles turning to Grace. “Hey beautiful, he tells her and leans in kissing her on the lips… ON THE FUCKING LIPS! I don’t know why but the words echo through my now brain dead skull. She smiles pulling almost unnoticeably away, I’m the only one to notice because I’m the reason. Turning immediately away, my heart racing, I start to sweat. Well Will, you are experiencing what we call a panic attack, I say as calmly as possible in my head. When having a panic attack you must not let the girl who pu t you into such a state to ever, ever think you are having one. Is this clear?
    “Who want to go smoke a cig?” I yell to everyone in the room.
    “Didn’t you just smoke one?” Grace asks.
    “I’m a very committed person,” I reply as several people howl in approval heading out the door. I grab the nearest bottle of vodka and follow.
    And now for your viewing pleasure we will show you how Will can completely numb an entire night in five minutes. I announce in my head as I start to chug the bottle. “CHUG, CHUG, CHUG, CHUG” everyone around happily screams to me. Yes parties, possibly the greatest place to drink to forget.
    “Will !” I look to see Mary, the dumb blonde socialite of the human race