Bill Dugan_War Chiefs 04 Read Online Free PDF

think you will feel differently once we get home, and White Heron makes you new moccasins and a new shirt. Gray Fawn says she has been working on something special for you. I think maybe it will be ready by the time we get back to the village.”
    “I have enough shirts, too,” Nocona grunted.
    “Is there anything you don’t have enough of?”
    “Time,” Nocona said. “There is never enough time. The days slip by so quickly, like a sidewinder on the desert. They make no noise as they move. They are in front of you and then they are behind you before you even knew they were there at all.”
    “You talk like an old man. My grandfather says things like that all the time, but I expect it of him. It is what the old ones do, because it isall they
can
do. But you are young yet. Your best days are ahead of you. That should be reason enough to smile, but you pull a long face today. You pulled a long face yesterday, as if you were carrying a heavy stone on your back.”
    “I am. I am practicing. That is what being chief is like. A heavy stone, many heavy stones. Sometimes I think there is one for each of the people and the chief has to carry them all. I want to be ready.”
    “You always wanted to be chief. Now it sounds like you have changed your mind.”
    Nocona nodded. “Yes, I did. But that was before I knew just how hard it was … and how little anyone else understood. I knew nothing then. And now that I am soon to be a chief, I know things that no one else knows, things I can’t teach them, and things they can’t understand if I talk about them. Even you, my oldest friend. You don’t understand. You
can’t
understand. I look at you and want to tell you what it is like. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I think, ‘Maybe this is something I can tell Black Snake.’ But I know right away that it would be no use. I don’t blame you for that, but it makes me very lonely. Any burden is less heavy when you can share it with someone. The only one who understands even a little is White Heron, and she doesn’t understand much.”
    “So, what are you saying? Are you saying that you don’t want to be a chief any longer?”
    Once again, Nocona shook his head. “No, I am not saying that. I would not wish any man to carry the burden I will carry. I don’t mean to sing my own praises, as if I were someone special. I’m not, and that is the one thing that being chief has made me see me more clearly than any other; but measured against the burden I will carry, no man is special. One ant under a great stone is like any other.”
    Black Snake didn’t really know what to say, but he had the feeling that he had to keep his friend talking. “Have you discussed this with any of the old ones? Red Owl might understand. He was a chief. It was a long time ago, but …”
    “Yes, it was a long time ago. Times were different then. Red Owl understands the old ways better than anyone I know. But he knows nothing of the new ways, the new troubles. He would want to do things as they have always been done, but that is not possible. Not anymore. Knowing how to deal with the new troubles requires new ways of thinking. I am not sure anyone is ready for that. I know I am not.”
    “You don’t give yourself enough credit. You have always done well. No matter how difficult the problem, you have managed to deal with it. There is enough to eat, more than enough, even. We have all the horses we need. We don’t have to worry about the things that really matter. You have done well.”
    “Yes, so far. But it has made me tired.”
    “Maybe in the council, we can discuss these things. Maybe there is some way to …”
    “No! If I bring it up in council, it will be an invitation for some young hothead to challenge me. He will not know what he is getting into. It will tear the people into pieces, force them to choose sides. Now, more than ever, we have to think as one man. There are too many who would use that confusion for their