Big Girls Do Cry Read Online Free PDF Page B

prove it. I’d tried to end my life three times in the past few years. My last attempt would have succeeded if my ex-boyfriend hadn’t broken down the bathroom door and rushed me to the hospital. Why would an apparently strong-willed black woman do such a thing? Why else? Because of a goddamn man. A man named Tony, who for three years of my life was my entire world. A man who led me to give Rashad up to my sister. A man whom I couldn’t let go of, even after I found out he was married and I confronted his wife. A man I wasn’t willing to live without, even though I knew I could do better. A man I tried to kill myself over.
    When I got out of the hospital, Egypt asked me to move to Virginia and live with her until I was back on my feet. Most of our family was against it, as I said before, but I did have to get out of New York and away from Tony. If I didn’t, I would be right back where I was—or worse, in a cemetery. So I accepted her invitation and awkwardly moved down to Virginia with my sister and her husband—my ex-boyfriend. Things had been going pretty smooth so far, and hopefully they would continueto, as long as I figured a way out of the mess I might have just stepped into.
    My eyes traveled to the second-floor balcony, where the sliding glass door was still open. Dear Lord, what had I just started? If the ground could have opened up and swallowed me whole, it wouldn’t have been deep enough. There was no doubt in my mind that Rashad was telling the truth, and my sister had seen his striptease and quite possibly heard my flirting. How the hell could I have been so stupid? So blind? Shit, if I knew Egypt, she was probably on her way downstairs with Rashad’s gun right now. My sister was known for her temper. She could fly off the handle faster than anyone else I knew.
    I whipped my head back toward him. “Oh, my God, she’s going to kill us. You know that, don’t you?”
    “I doubt that,” he replied rather arrogantly. “‘Cause I didn’t do anything wrong.”
    “You didn’t what? Are you—” My jaw dropped. So that’s how he was going to play? Act like he didn’t do anything. Wasn’t that just like a damn man? Always willing to take the pleasure but never the pain. At that moment, I would have bet a hundred dollars he was going to leave me hanging out there to dry like this was all my fault and that somehow I made him do a striptease.
    “Rashad, you—”
    He blurted out, “Honey, I think we’ve been busted,” but he wasn’t looking at me when he said it.
    I glanced back over my shoulder, and there was Egypt, walking out the sliding glass doors with a purpose. She didn’t have anything in her hands, so that was a blessing, but her facial expression was not a happy one. I bit my lip as she approached, bracing myself for a smack. Thank goodness it never came.
    Instead, she apologized to me. Apparently she hadn’t heard what I’d said to him. “Isis, I am so sorry. Rashad was just having a little fun. We didn’t even know you were there. Did we, honey?” She sounded sincere. And, more importantly, I was off the hook.
    I turned to Rashad, who grinned that boyish grin of his that used to melt my heart. He apparently had been putting on his little show for my sister, not for me. Or at least that was the story he was sticking to.
    “Nah, babe, I didn’t have a clue she was there.” He was such a bad actor; I’m surprised Egypt didn’t catch on right then and there.
    “Don’t worry, Egypt.” I shrugged it off. “I wasn’t really paying him any attention.” I flagged my hand in dismissal, then began to walk toward the house. I have to admit, my ego was a little hurt at the thought that he had been doing his little striptease for my sister and not me, but I still wasn’t convinced that was the case. There was something about the way Rashad said he didn’t have a clue that told me differently, especially when I looked up and realized that the sofa I’d been sitting on was clearly