Beautiful Blue World Read Online Free PDF

be turned to rubble any night now. What did the walls matter?
    What mattered is that we were standing here right now, the three of us together.
    Kammi dipped her hands and pressed them to the wall.
    I did mine.
    And then we were laughing, and we couldn’t stop. We stood on my bed and pressed the wall there.
    Then the slanted eves.
    In a row under the window.
    When our house was knocked down, and someone picked through its pieces, maybe he would find these handprints, and know that children had lived here.
    That
we
had lived here.
    And if our house turned to dust, then within the dust would be a million tiny particles with our stamp. The universe would remember we had existed.
    My sisters stopped giggling.
    I turned.
    Mother stood in the doorway.
    The warmth in my chest reached a squeezing heat.
    “We—I…”
    Mother came into the room, turning slowly. Her brow was creased again. Was she deciding how angry to be?
    Then her face relaxed, and she folded me into a hug, kissed my cheek.
    “I love it.”
    “You do?”
    I looked up, surprised to see tears gathering in her eyes.
    “My only worry is how much soap we’ll use cleaning you up.”
    “Oh.”
    I looked down at my hands.
    I hadn’t thought about soap.
    “Go ahead, now. Help your sisters. Dinner’s ready.”

“GIRLS, WAKE UP. Mathilde, it’s testing day.”
    My sisters threw on their school clothes and hurried downstairs to eat, but my fingers felt cold as I did up my buttons.
    I sat in front of my breakfast so long that eventually Mother sat down next to me. I picked up my spoon and ate a few mouthfuls.
    “It’s time to go,” she said at last. She kissed my temple. “Good luck.”
    I went to the front hall and found my coat. Those buttons gave me trouble, too.
    “Listen, Big.”
    Father pulled me aside in the doorway. I hugged him, clinging like a toddler on the first day of kindercare.
    Finally he managed to hold me at arm’s length. He crouched down. “What is it?” he asked, as gently as he would have spoken to Tye.
    But I pressed into his chest again and mumbled, “My frid may von’t elth mm go.”
    “Oh.” He chuckled. “They’ll let you go. They have to score the tests. That takes time.” He patted his pockets.
    I drew back at last, and he stood up.
    He pulled three copper coins from his shirt pocket and gestured for me to hold out my hand, which I did, not believing it when he set the coins there. Each was worth just an eighth of an orin, but was a treasure in our house.
    “No matter what happens, you’re worth a million orins to me. A million times a million, then times all the stars in the sky…though I don’t have a million orins, so you can have the coppers I do have. For the baker’s on the way home—get yourself a treat, when it’s over. However it goes, I’m very proud of you for signing up.”
    Three coppers…I could buy a glazed bun or a tiny sweet cake. All for myself.
    What would we go without later so that I could have this treat?
    No, not later: Father hadn’t had toast this morning, just coffee.
    And no bread with his soup last night.
    “Thank you, Father.” I flopped in for one more hug. “I love you.”
    “And I love you, Big. Go on now, Kammi’s getting ahead and you don’t want to be late today.”
    I nodded, and tucked the coins inside my coat pocket. Father straightened my scarf and tugged my braids free, and then I was flying up the street after my sister.
    —
    In the schoolyard, the younger children ran around like there was no food shortage and no war and their fathers weren’t away and their houses not knocked down.
    But we older ones lingered, unusually still, whether we were taking the test or not.
    My heart longed to run around with the younger children, but my legs felt too wobbly. Megs and I stood together, watching our breath turn to steam in the air.
    “That must be the Examiner,” Megs whispered.
    I looked over at the teachers. The new woman had dull blond hair pulled into a tight knot at