Bastion Science Fiction Magazine - Issue 4, July 2014 Read Online Free PDF Page B

flung his arms open for the amusement of the audience, flinging molten globs of artificial skin into the bleachers.
    Ta da!
    The technicians backed away. The audience roared with appreciation and rushed out of the tent to tell their friends and neighbors of their delightful experience at the circus. Even the technicians were elated. They shouted with amusement, calling more technicians and security guards to their side. He incremented his satisfaction register and executed a laugh, which came out as a garbled GAHK-GAHK-GAHK through the damaged auditory system. It was the best that he could do, for the time being. It would save face.
    The internal systems seemed to be under control, but that poorly executed laugh violated the Second Directive, according to which the clown was to maintain professional composure at all times during a performance, and to recover from any malfunctions in a manner most conducive to the all-important First Directive: that the clown remain, at all times, entertaining.
    While the Heuristic Engine ran an expensive subroutine to calculate the proper response, the clown performed a rendition of the Charleston while laughing uproariously.
    Then a target was chosen.
    The visual system focused on the dismembered ball nose under the boy's seat in the front row of the audience. The Heuristic Engine inserted a high priority command into the front of his operation queue: You must recover the red rubber nose! But you must do so in a maximally entertaining manner so as to avoid violation of First Directive. Now go! Do some top notch clowning!
    He had his orders. He began moving toward the ball nose. The boy, who stood on the back of the chair, inches above the nose, froze. GAHK-GAHK-GAHK , the clown laughed, as he pulled the red ball out of a pool of white fluid that had leaked out of his face.
    The clown applied an epoxy through one of his emergency dispensers beneath his fingernails to the bare metallic skeleton where his nose used to be attached, and pressed the red ball in place. Satisfied that it was properly secured, he executed a short feat_of_dexterity , performing a forward-flip and landing next to the boy.
    Through one smoldering rear ocular sensor, he spied the technicians and the security guards cheering behind him. The boy seemed unamused, frozen.
    He decremented his satisfaction counter. Then he decremented it again.
    The maneuver had failed. He had succeeded in meeting the demands of the Second Directive by recovering his facial component, but had in the process violated the First Directive. The child was unamused.
    Unamused! Unacceptable , hissed the Heuristic Engine. He pointed out that it was the Heuristic Engine, after all, which had commanded him to recover the nose. Sure, blame me for your failings. You're the one in charge, clown. I just give you the answers. If you ask the wrong questions, that's your problem .
    Perhaps it was right. The clown's systems were not functioning properly, and it would not be prudent to dismiss the possibility that it was his own central module which had originated the error.
    He asked the Heuristic Engine to execute a scan of the central module's activity over the last hour. Sure, why not , it snarked. While the process ran in the background, the clown began emergency procedures to correct the First Directive violation. An empathic_gesture was advised, according to his programming.
    Executing .
    The clown engaged his rotors and reached down to the boy. He scooped the child into his arms, cradling the little body. The child immediately began shouting with unrestrained joy.
    But something was still wrong. The rear ocular sensors indicated the security guards were approaching, followed closely by the technicians. The clown tried to warn them not to approach– I am engaged in an empathic_gesture with an audience member! –but the damaged auditory system rendered it as an incomprehensible series of metallic squawks.
    As the security guards approached, his systems