Baby My Baby (A Ranching Family) Read Online Free PDF Page B

the inevitable and she knew it. At that moment she was wishing she’d have stayed to confront her former husband the night before. Maybe he’d be on his way back to the reservation by now if she had. “I’ll be at the ranch when he gets there,” she assured.
    Then she thanked Kansas for the refuge and left, trying not to notice that the knots in her stomach had turned to all-out jitters.
    * * *
    An hour didn’t give her much time, and once she was back at the ranch, Beth rushed through her shower.
    Choosing what to wear took longer. She had a bit of a stomach but not so much that she couldn’t still wear some of her regular clothes as long as they were fairly loose fitting.
    She didn’t want to appear dressed up, but she didn’t want to look sloppy, either, so in the end she opted for a tunic T-shirt and a pair of stirrup pants that she thought looked casually chic.
    Her hair air-dried and required only some scrunching with her hand to give it bounce. But she was careful about the makeup she applied. A touch of pale eye shadow, just enough mascara to darken her lashes, and a hint of lipstick. She’d have used blush, too, but again this morning her color was naturally high and she didn’t need it.
    All in all, she was pleased with the results, and though she told herself it shouldn’t matter, it did. Regardless of how she felt about this meeting, it was important to her that she seem cool, calm, collected. And if one look at her made Ash think he’d been a fool to take her for granted? Well, great! It wouldn’t change anything, but she wouldn’t mind at all if he suffered a pang or two of regret.
    Feeling more or less on top of things, she headed downstairs.
    She’d be fine, she thought, running through a scenario of the meeting in her mind. They’d have a simple conversation. She’d confirm that she’d meant what she’d written in her letter. He’d want to know when the baby was due and make sure she had a plan, that she really was willing to have and raise it on her own. He’d tell her to notify him when it was born. Maybe he’d want to arrange some sort of visitation. Then he’d leave. He’d go back to the reservation. She’d go on the way she’d intended all along, and everything would be fine. Just fine.
    So how come at the bottom of the steps she wilted like an unwatered rose?
    In the three weeks since she’d realized she was pregnant, she’d thought mostly of Ash. Of trying to get the news to him. Of wondering what his reaction would be. Of convincing him she didn’t need or want his help or anything from him.
    But now that she was actually faced with sending him away, she suddenly felt herself confronting the fact that she wasn’t convinced herself.
    Oh, sure, doubts had been creeping across her mind all along and she’d been fighting them. But now they weren’t only creeping. They’d walked right in and taken over.
    Could she really do it all alone?
    Having a child was a daunting prospect. Raising it by herself was an even more daunting one.
    She’d be a single mother. On her own no matter what the child needed, no matter when or where.
    There wouldn’t be anybody else to turn to for relief when she was too tired to move. No one at all to share the load. Or the joy. No one to help make decisions. To worry with. No one but her.
    There wouldn’t be anyone to let her know if she was doing a good job or a bad one. Or anyone to be a sounding board when she was unsure of herself.
    There wouldn’t be anyone but her...
    “Oh, my God,” she whispered. “What am I doing?”
    But what was her alternative to being alone in this? she asked herself.
    There wasn’t one. Because even if she and Ash were still married, she’d be almost as alone with a baby as without one.
    Ash didn’t love her anymore. His thoughts were elsewhere. If he were to take her back out of a sense of obligation, their second marriage would be as doomed as the first. And their baby would never know a full-time