Attack of the Cupids Read Online Free PDF

golden arrow. Attached to the arrow was a thick roll of parchment. Even in Heaven, where nothing ever gets old, the parchment had gone a bit yellow and curly and looked as if it had lain exactly where it was for rather a long time. Seated high up in the galleries, Mishamh, with his angel’s eyes, could make out the first line easily. In handwriting that was both neat and absolutely clear, it read:
    â€˜
If you are not completely satisfied with our service
 . . .’
    Beyond the woman there was a strange and forbidding hole in the floor. It took up nearly onethird of the central area. Mishamh could not see down into the bottom. It just dropped into blackness. He wondered if it even had a bottom, or if, supposing he happened to fall in there, he would just fall for ever. (Angels do not like the thought of falling. An angel who Falls is generally Bad News, so anything to do with falling is pretty much a sore point.)
    Two more figures stood on either side of the woman. The nearer one was another angel, who was at that moment addressing the Board. But the other was grey-skinned and red-eyed, with . . . yes . . .
horns
.
    An extraordinary, crawling feeling came over Mishamh. He could not quite believe what he was seeing.
    Here?
How was it possible?
    Could it really be what he thought it was? Surely it should be – well, cackling, salivating, dancing wildly and making rude gestures with its fingers?
    Its very stillness disturbed him. Its eyes were half closed. It too looked as if it had been where it was for a very long time.
    â€˜Sir . . .’ he whispered. ‘Is that . . .’
    â€˜It is The Enemy. One of them.’
    Mishamh shuddered. ‘Why . . . that is, I mean – nobody’s smiting it!’
    â€˜It has immunity. It is here as a witness. It is also here so that if the Board says “Take Her Down”, the taking down can be done with suitable effect.’
    Mishamh looked at the hole in the floor and shuddered. ‘But – it’s disgusting! We’ll be gratifying its cruel lusts! We’ll be pandering to . . .’
    â€˜Quite.’
    â€˜Can’t we do anything?’
    â€˜We can have Patience, Mishamh. The Enemy has lived with this soul all her life, just as our Guardian colleague there has. Its evidence is a necessary part of the Appeal. You must remember that.’
    â€˜Yes, sir,’ said the angel obediently.
    â€˜However. If you
should
happen to catch it in the corridors . . .’
    â€˜Sir?’
    â€˜Then you may jostle it a bit.’
    Mishamh looked glumly at the horned figure. He doubted that it would be unwise enough to step even an inch outside the courts. But if it did, then yes, there would be a jostle.
Quite
a jostle.
    He was planning a hundred-metre run-up, for a start.
    Because The Enemy were working against the Great Curriculum! They spread Ignorance. Theyspread Fear! They met the fresh, bright-eyed souls on the path to Heaven and said: ‘You don’t want to go there. That place is only for posh kids. Come behind the bike sheds and see what we’ve got.’
    Creation was infested with them. Because of their evil influence barely half of all human souls made the pass mark in the Entrance Exam. There was no getting rid of them. As long as the world existed they would be there to twist the truths of Heaven and make them a trap for the unwary.
    And that was why the world had to end. It was obvious. The purpose of Heaven was to make things perfect. The Earth could not be perfect. Therefore the Earth must be destroyed. It was the only way, now, that the Great Curriculum could be rescued. Man must be set free, to enter Heaven at last amid general rejoicing. Then all the unpleasant subjects like Sorrow and Greed and Death could be dropped and everyone could settle down to studying the real stuff for all the rest of Eternity. Mishamh was quite looking forward to