Asunder (Incarnate) Read Online Free PDF Page B

came here to figure out how to reproduce the mistake, because he didn’t know what he’d done to get that reaction.”
    “Right.” I flipped a few pages and pointed at a list. “Theseare the chemicals he used.” It was a long list.
    “I don’t know what those are.”
    “Hormones, some of them. I recognize a few from Micah’s biology lessons.” I glanced toward the lab in the back. “There are stores of the chemicals in there. Most of them are labeled, even. And he wrote down the final recipe, though I’d like to study his experiments a bit more first.”
    “First? Before trying it yourself?” Sam frowned. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
    I flinched. “You don’t think I’d try to make another Templedark, do you?”
    “No, I know you’d be doing it for research, but what if the Council finds out? We both know what they’d assume.”
    I slumped and planted my chin on my fist. “You’re right.”
    “Besides, you’ve told me that sylph were fleeing Menehem during Templedark. That makes me think he was hurting them.”
    “Are you worried about hurting sylph, Dossam?” I flashed a dry smile.
    He spoke gently. “I just don’t think you’d want to hurt anything, even sylph.”
    I lowered my eyes. “No, not even sylph.” After the weeks it had taken for my hands to recover from sylph burns, I might not have minded. But the night of Templedark, when Meuric had led me into the temple and tried to trap me, I’d stabbed him in the eye with a knife and shoved him beneathan upside-down pit. He’d fallen upward, body still flailing. That had been self-defense, but the guilt still writhed inside me. I should have come up with a better solution to my problem, but it was too late now.
    Sam put his arms around me.
    “I don’t want to hurt them,” I said, “but the more I understand about this, the more I understand about Janan. Whatever Menehem did, it stopped Janan for a little while. The rest of you don’t feel it, but the white walls feel horrible to me. And the temple makes me feel—” I blinked away tears. “He’s not good, Sam. Whatever Janan is, it’s bad. It’s evil.”
    “All right.” Sam pressed himself against me, as though he could shield me from something like Janan. As though he could even comprehend my fear of Janan when he didn’t fear Janan at all. I probably sounded crazy to him, thinking the heat and pulse of the walls were wrong. My seemingly irrational dislike of sleeping close to the exterior walls of buildings was unique, but I couldn’t even lean against the wall. It made my stomach twist with unease.
    I was right, though. There was something off about Janan. Inside the temple, he’d called me a mistake, which implied that he had a plan. He’d also said I was “of no consequence,” which implied that he didn’t view me as a threat.
    I aimed to be a threat.
    Sam combed his fingers through my hair, down the backof my neck. “I wish I understood what it feels like for you. I wish I could make it right.”
    He didn’t want to make me right. He wanted to make things with Janan right.
    I liked that he didn’t think I was wrong. I liked that he believed me. That he trusted me, in spite of how I must have looked.
    The building creaked in the wind as night settled, and my hair muffled Sam’s words. “I’m just worried that if we go too far into Menehem’s research, regardless of our intentions, someone will think we’re creating another Templedark.”
    “Even our possessing his research will be too much for some people,” I whispered. “Maybe I have more friends now, but Meuric wasn’t alone in his feelings about newsouls. Not nearly.” Right off, I could think of five people who’d made their dislike clear, and lots more who just didn’t bother acknowledging me.
    Sam nodded, his expression etched with frustration.
    “I don’t want anyone to think I want another Templedark, but Menehem’s poison is the only thing I know that affects Janan. I