Ashes by Now Read Online Free PDF Page B

superiors.
    â€˜I couldn’t,’ he insisted. ‘I never have.’
    â€˜What?’ I asked.
    He wouldn’t answer at first, just squirmed around on his seat.
    I moved my chair round and put my hand on his shoulder. ‘Tell me, Sailor,’ I said. ‘Tell me. It might help.’
    â€˜I’ve never…’ He refused to finish.
    I sat silently, my hand still resting lightly on his shoulder.
    â€˜Oh Christ,’ he said, squeezing the words out through clenched teeth. ‘I’ve never done it with anyone.’
    â€˜Done what?’ Although I had a good idea by then. I just wanted him to tell me himself.
    â€˜I’ve never done that.’ He paused. ‘Been with a woman.’ And the tears came.
    â€˜Never?’ I said. ‘Not when you were in the navy?’
    â€˜No.’
    â€˜Why not?’
    He didn’t answer at first.
    I didn’t speak either.
    â€˜I’m scared of them,’ he said.
    Who isn’t? I thought.
    â€˜That’s nothing to be ashamed of,’ I said.
    â€˜That’s why I do what I do. Show me willie to kids.’
    â€˜Because you’re a virgin?’ I asked.
    He nodded his reply, and Grisham, Collier and Lenny Millar came into the interview room.
    â€˜Talk to you, guv,’ I said to Grisham. ‘Outside.’
    Grisham and Collier went back into the corridor, and I joined them. Lenny stayed with Grant.
    â€˜He says he couldn’t have done it,’ I said.
    â€˜Bollocks,’ said Collier.
    â€˜Why?’ asked Grisham.
    â€˜Because he never has,’ I said.
    â€˜What?’ demanded Collier.
    I knew I was digging myself deeper into the mire with every word. ‘Had a woman,’ I said.
    â€˜Fuck off,’ said Collier. ‘You believe that shit?’
    â€˜I think so,’ I said. ‘He’s terrified of women. That’s why he shows his dick to children. It was like Lenny said yesterday when we nicked him. He’s terrified of anyone past primary school age.’
    â€˜ Bollocks .’ This time Collier shouted the word, and I could see a vein ticking in his forehead. ‘Sharman, I’m beginning to lose patience with you. I told you yesterday to keep your opinions to yourself until asked.’
    â€˜I talked to the prisoner,’ I said. ‘It’s my duty to report what was said to a senior officer.’
    At that I thought Collier was going to self-destruct.
    â€˜ Your duty ,’ he said, ‘your fucking duty is to do what DI Grisham and I tell you. And we tell you he’s as guilty as sin. I don’t care if he’d never fucked anyone until yesterday afternoon. Because even if he hadn’t, he did then. He lost his cherry with Carol Harvey, boy. It’s a fact, I’m telling you. Now get inside that room, and we’ll get to the bottom of all this.’
    The next few hours were the worst I’d ever known in the job. Up until then, I suppose I’d been a virgin. A virgin as to what could go on behind closed doors in a police station.
    I lost my cherry too that night. And like everyone else in that stinking little room, I would never be the same again.
    Grisham, Collier and Millar took turns at interrogating Grant. They never let up. I wasn’t asked to speak. Just sit and listen.
    Grant himself was terrified. So terrified he kept changing what he’d said about his movements the previous day, and why he’d made them. He contradicted himself on every detail except one. That he hadn’t attacked Carol Harvey.
    We took a break about ten.
    We left a uniform with Grant, and sloped off to the pub opposite for a livener. It was my round. Both times.
    â€˜He won’t shift,’ said Grisham to Collier. Somehow it seemed as if the junior officer had taken charge of the case and the DI was deferring to him.
    I didn’t get it.
    â€˜He’ll fucking well shift if I say he’ll shift,’ said Collier, and I