Angry Conversations with God Read Online Free PDF

friends ran to high-five me, but
     I shoved their fickle hands away and waited for the PE teacher to haul me off to Principal Bergen.
    “Susie,” Miss Bergen repeated, “do you know why you’re here?”
    “Because I hurt Kirsten?”
    “No. You’re here because your mother said you aren’t happy here. Is that true?”
    “Miss Bergen! I don’t want to leave Jesus. I love Jesus.”
    “I know that, Susie. But after what happened today…” Miss Bergen paused to consider. “I think you’ll be a lot happier.” She
     winked, handed me a coupon for an ice-cream cone, and sent me on my way. In true Lutheran fashion, Miss Bergen had turned
     the other cheek.
    As I walked out, I looked up at the Nice Jesus on the wall. Yes, his eyes were pleading for me: “Come on, Dad. She had to
     do it. She went into that temple and gave Kirsten the fourth-down punt.”

    Rudy shook his head.
    Rudy: Girls can be so cruel.
    Susan: You know that adage, “If women ruled the world, there would be no war”? Whoever said that never rushed a sorority.
     If women ran the UN, it would be brutal. “That beeotch didn’t invite me to her summit. I am
so
vetoing her ass.”
    Rudy: You said something interesting. “God is good to you if you’re good, and evil if you’re evil.”
    Susan: It’s there in 2 Samuel: “To the pure you show yourself pure, but to the wicked you show yourself hostile.” I’ve had
     it drilled into my head: If you do right, your life will go well. If your life isn’t going well, you’re doing something wrong.
    Rudy: But there are plenty of verses that ask, “Why do the righteous suffer?”
    Susan: That sums up my last three years at Olivet. I learned not to trust girls, I learned not to bother Mom with my problems,
     and I learned that no matter how much Jesus loved me—and I knew he did—he still wasn’t getting off that wall to save me. I
     was on my own.
    Rudy: Well, I think we need Jesus to show up and answer for himself.
    Now I had to imagine Jesus in the room with us. Amazing, that
Head of Christ.
Some Midwestern painter sold a few portraits to a Bible supply shop and influenced an entire society as to what Jesus looked
     like. But I couldn’t help but see Jesus with those same kind, sad eyes. Now that I imagined his eyes on me, I felt stupid
     complaining about a bully.
    Jesus: Susan, I’m so sorry you feel like I didn’t come through for you. But you did know I was there; you did feel my love.
     Didn’t you?
    Susan: I did. Thank you.
    Jesus: No problem.
    Rudy: (To Susan) Wait. Is that it?!
    Susan: The guy hung on a cross for me. I got bullied for three years. Big deal.
    Rudy: But it was a big deal for you as a child. You prayed to Jesus and he didn’t answer.
    Susan: I know the answer, Rudy. Life is filled with hardship. There are bad people in the world, and I had to learn how to
     deal with them.
    Rudy: I know a man who was molested by a priest for years. He needs a better answer than that. So do you. It doesn’t matter
     how small it seems
now,
we’re here because of how big it felt
then.
You need to tell Jesus that.
    Jesus: It’s okay. You can talk to me.
    Susan: Okay. I know it wasn’t your fault—
    Rudy: And?
    Susan: Back then it was the one thing I prayed for, that you’d stop Kirsten from bullying me. But you never answered.
    Jesus: It
seemed
like I didn’t answer.
    Susan: No, Jesus. You
didn’t answer.
Nobody came. I had to fight for myself.
    Jesus: That’s how I answered. I taught you to fight for yourself.
    Susan: I was a kid! I didn’t want to fight. My mom said people wouldn’t like me!
    Jesus: What did you want me to do?
    Susan: Smite Kirsten? Drive her away like the chaff? Get my mom to do something? Or the teachers or Miss Bergen or Pastor
     Ingebretsen? Or anybody?
    Jesus: It took a lot for your mother to talk to Miss Bergen. She was terrified.
    Susan: But the damage was done. It made you look like the wimp, because those people represented you!
    Jesus: I don’t know