Anamnesis: A Novel Read Online Free PDF Page B

unlocking all secrets?
    I navigated around the mess to the kitchen
where I started a pot of coffee. The coffee maker was a godsend. The motions of
preparing a pot was meditative. While the coffee brewed, I combed the kitchen
and bathroom for something to relieve my throbbing headache.
    Four ibuprofen and a quick shower later, I
sat on my easy chair sipping a giant mug of steaming hot coffee. Still no
response from Skid. I could work without him, but he made it a hell of a lot
easier.
    Hungover, no Skid, and a shitload of drugs
to push.
    It was going to be a long, long fucking
day.
     
     
     

Chapter 6
     
    I handed a tiny
plastic package of Ecstasy to the leader of the bachelorette party. There were
five of them. They teetered on high heels and pulled at the hems of their short
dresses. Penis necklace straws hung from their necks, gross caricatures that
would make their mothers blush. The bride wore a tiara that shimmered every
time she moved. A decorative swirl near the top of it was broken, revealing the
plastic it was really made of. At first glance they were a vibrant, lively
bunch. When you looked harder, you saw too much makeup and a feral viciousness
known well by a group of twenty-something women.
    They were antsy, looking anywhere except at
me as their friend handled the transaction.
    Tolerate the drug dealer just a moment
longer, honey, and we can get on our way and party. He’s a necessary evil.
    “We’re just going to hang out in the
hotel, you know? Relax,” the girl said as she handed me the money, fresh from
the ATM machine. People made excuses sometimes when they bought from me. It
wasn’t for them, of course not! It was for their friend. They didn’t normally
do this. It was just a special occasion.
    Maybe for them it was special. What they
didn’t realize was that I didn’t give a fuck. This was every day for me.
    “Jesus, Miranda! Don’t tell him that!” The
bride’s hand flung to her mouth as though she were shocked by what she said.
She looked to her comrades for support.
    I folded the money and put it in my inner
jacket pocket. I grinned wide, knowing it would probably freak them out. “Maybe
I’ll stop by later.”
    They fidgeted. Some looked interested. I
won’t even begin to describe what I thought was going on in their minds. The deal
complete, I set off down the street to return to my usual spot. It had been a
busy night. I had some downers left but everything else was gone. Donovan had called
every hour asking why I hadn’t come to restock.
    There was no explanation or excuse that
would satisfy him. I could tell him about the girl in the alley or Olivia
Holloway, how they shook me up. How I was trying to help Skid and it was taking
up time. How I’d been drunk two days straight. Donovan’s friendship—if that’s
what you called it—was advantageous when I first met him. I was his personal
project and he helped me get some semblance of a life together. Then the
micromanagement started. People like him got off on controlling others and
making them feel like a charity case. Like they owed him big time, forever.
    None of it mattered. If I didn’t come to
restock soon, he’d know I was slacking. Then it would be hell to pay. He’d say, Maybe you aren’t selling anymore? Should I take you back where I found you?
    Back where he found me. I thought of Alki
Beach. The smell of saltwater. Of feeling more alone and out of control than I
ever had in my life. Waking up confused, trying to dredge up a memory of where
I was last and coming up with nothing.
    Fuck. My hands were shaking. I reached
into my pocket and took two of my remaining Valium. You’re not supposed to use
your own inventory, but I had to. The second I stopped self-medicating I
started looking at the black voids in my memory. Sometimes they looked back.
They wanted something from me. There wasn’t anything I could give. It was a
zero sum game.
    I looked around. The Friday night crowd
was still budding. Happy hour was