An Absolute Mess Read Online Free PDF

no pictures
inside, Your Highness.”
    Leonardo sighed. “Oh pooh,” he said.
“I still want to read it.” He ripped the book from Huey’s webbed
hands.
    A loud rumble rolled through
Leonardo’s stomach. “The Royal Stomach hath spoken. Have Luigi
bring me my dinner.”
    “ Louie,” Huey
replied.
    “ Whatever, have my dinner
brought up.”
    Huey rolled his eyes and exited. Why
did Huey always do that to him?
    Of course he knew why Huey rolled his
eyes. These brothers were all about a conspiracy to drive him
insane and declare him unfit to be king. They never thought that he
would turn his eye to Jaylenne. Ah… he wasn’t as dumb as all these
Duckies thought he was.
    Jaylenne— he knew she was no innocent,
no matter how much she fussed over the paparazzi and their devious
tactics. He had been there—seen her—banged her—in Cancunia. Not as
prince Leonardo but as Squire Ferdinand No Num. He had tasted her
sweet nectar more than once, had delighted in every inch of her
voluptuous body, and had felt her glorious release as he spilled
his seed in her quivering sheath. He could still feel her
shuddering beneath him as he pumped in and out of her like a
piston. He knew not what a piston was, but it sounded
appropriate.
    It was shortly after, that he
commissioned her portrait, wanting something to remember her by.
Unfortunately, it had accidentally been released to the bards of
the realm.
    If only he could get her in the dark
again and his tongues on her sweet tantalizing body, she would
marry him without hesitation. She, in fact, would be begging Prince
Leonardo Von Absolute, not Squire Ferdinand No Num, as she arched
her back off the satin sheets. He had already spoken to her father
about their little indiscretion, and he more than agreed to offer
Jaylenne in marriage. Perhaps daddy, would agree to a wee
underhanded trickery, himself?
    * ~* ~*~ *
    Jaylenne sighed, staring at Prince
Leonardo Von Absolute’s portrait. His eyes, they seemed familiar.
She lied back in the delicate porcelain tub and let the aroma of
vanilla and lavender soak within her aura. Now that she had time to
relax, she reflected more on his photo. Where had she seen Prince
Leonardo Von Absolute before?
    “ If only Squire Ferdinand
No Num were here,” Jaylenne said aloud. He would know what to do.
No one had ever made her feel that way before. He was well versed
in the art of Tantric Massage and another book he had stolen from
the Earth people called, “Kama Sutra” She thanked the gourds she
had been born with two sets of joints. It drove Squire Ferdinand No
Num nuts when she put both her legs behind her head.
    She must find him. He was the only man
for her. Only he could make her quiver, especially when he hummed
“I’m Too Sexy” against her flowery folds.
    Her mind was settled. She must escape.
Where would she go? Would he still be in Cancunia? No, that would
be insane, traipsing across the galaxy in search of pleasure. Then
again, Ferdie did do that thing with her toes, and, of course,
there was the other at the back of her knees, and oh, who could
forget the way he….hmm. She giggled. How could she forget the silly
little dance he did around the sombrero when he drank Josenia
Cuervonia out of that gaudy chalice he always seemed to tote
around.
    The chalice! How could she have not
recognized it before? Was she really that inebriated not to notice
before? And why hadn’t Kianne, who attended her during her
excursion to Cancunia, not said anything?
    It was all starting to make sense now.
“Kianne!”
    Kianne appeared in the doorway. “Yes
milady?”
    “ Inform my father that I
will not be marrying the prince.” She smiled, watching Kianne shake
her head. “I am in love with Squire Ferdinand No Num.”
    Kianne gasped. “Milady, have you gone
mad?”
    “ I am saner than the
sanest psychopaths.” Jaylenne flung her water drenched locks from
her face. “Prepare my bags. I leave for
Cancunia—tonight.”
    “ But Prince