American Monsters Read Online Free PDF Page B

your body, God damn your husband.
    Lana climbs into the bathtub, tears streaming, and picks up the razor. In your dream you reach your arms out to her: they are so long, stretching through love and space, but still they are not long enough to reach her. You graze her shoulder as her body slumps over, and the tub fills with red.
    You wake up in the morning, feeling oddly refreshed from your long sleep. Even though your dreams were nightmares, they are over. You look over to Bob’s side of the bed, and see he’s not there. An icicle of fear lodges itself in your throat. You begin shivering. You walk upstairs to Lana’s room. You find Bob, where you left him in your dream last night, the pool of ear blood on the floor.
    ― LANA!!!, you scream and scream as you run to the bathroom. The door is locked. You throw yourself at it until the lock gives, you feel a detached pain where several ribs and a clavicle just broke. There is your baby, in the bathtub. The razor is on the floor having tumbled from her bloody fingers. You pull her from the water and continue screaming until the neighbors call the police and send an ambulance over.

―EXHIBIT NO. 9―
SLASH
    Yesterday you were a prepubescent boy. Today you wake up with your pajam a bottoms covered in a sticky white substance you had never seen or felt before. Somehow, everything inside you has changed, although it’s not quite clear how or why.
    You grudgingly discuss this with your father, and he, equally grudging, gives you a video to watch that is supposed to make you aware of birds and bees, or something. You don’t really know how birds and bees connect to the white stuff, unless it comes from them, but to not feel stupid, you nod your head with him as if you already know well what he’s talking about.
    Your dad lets you move one of the VCR’s into your room to watch the tape, Debbie Does Dallas. You wonder, What can someone do to Dallas? while staring at the young blond girl on the cover. This is all so confusing.
    It becomes even more confusing when the tape begins and what you assume must be sex, is initiated. You watch transfixed. You are puzzled at the opening shower scene where two cheerleaders have assorted sex with three football players in the girls locker room. Is that what happens in locker rooms? It must or else they would have done this business somewhere else. You wonder if it looks like that in real life. You begin to wonder what it feels like. You are certainly glad to be male for the sight of the girls being impaled like that...Yuck. You wonder if it hurts. You wouldn’t like anyone sticking anything in you. Injections come to mind. But, still, fascinated, you continue to watch, and think, and plan.
    After the video you’ve figured out the white stuff comes from your penis: The how and why are still not completely clear, but it has something to do with pleasure and that strange space in a woman. You decide to check out the girls’ locker room the next day. Maybe you could join in or something if that really goes on. After a bit of consideration you decide that you would indeed like to participate, just to see what it’s like. If it’s birds and bees then it’s just natural. Right?
    You have changed. You no longer feel comfortable with your mother and sister at the dinner table. You can’t quite meet their eyes. When your sister accidentally bumps into you on your way to the bathroom your heart just about stops from fear and guilt. You feel you are on the edge of a cliff and somehow jumping will not hurt you, but you just need a little push to the next level. That little push to become a man. You go to bed and wake up with that stuff on you again.
    All day at school you are anxious. You are waiting for time to break away and sneak into the girl’s locker room. Sitting in class, you realize the only time you will have is at lunch, and you are just hoping (praying) that whatever activities go on in there will still be taking place when you get