back stiffened. Me?
âAma doesnât have to do anything,â Dad protested. He sounded almost too tired to speak. I felt bad that he was wasting his words on me.
âI can do things,â I spoke up.
âYou might need her if you fall or if you canât breathe,â Dr. Nurstrom said coldly, as he turned on another machine. Couldnât breathe? What would I do about that?
Joyce stepped forward and said, âDr. Nurstrom, this is a sensitive situation. I think we all feel a little nervous about this.â
âWell, youâll have to deal with it,â the doctor shot back.
I expected Joyce to melt into tears, but she didnât. âDr. Nurstrom! We are doing the best we can, and that is verywell. Weâre going to have questions and fears and youâre going to have to deal with that! â she exclaimed. Dr. Nurstrom looked at all of us one by one. He seemed a little less stern, maybe even embarrassed. âNow,â Joyce continued, more gently, âI have donuts, bagels, a mango, and orange juice for you. And eggs. What can I get you?â
We waited for Dr. Nurstrom to storm out of the room, but instead he spun around and faced Joyce. âYou got all that food for me?â
Now Joyce looked embarrassed, and said, âWell, weâre very grateful that youâre here.â
Dr. Nurstrom asked for a cinnamon donut, a mango, and a plain bagel.
âAnd ⦠thank you,â he added.
And that was that.
Phyllis drove me to school on Monday, listing all the things she was going to do to make my life easier. First off, she was going to tell all my teachers about my dad.
âNo, you canât,â I said.
âHeavens! Why not?â she asked.
I had lots of reasons. What if everyone got worried about me and followed me around? I couldnât eat backstage anymore. And they probably wouldnât let me walk home.
I thought of Ms. Severance disliking me even more. She would think I was trying to get out of doing homework. And what if one of the teachers made an announcement to the class, telling the other kids about my dad? This was my business.
And then there was the guiltiest secret I had. I wasseen as a mean kid now. I had stood by while Ellen was mean to other kids. I had been silent, because I felt shy this year. I felt sad. I missed the paintings by the first graders that they used to put up in the hallways. I missed watching the third graders at recess. So I was quiet, and I let other kids think they had a problem, not me. Maybe if the kids knew my dad was sick, they would be mean back to me, as if they had been waiting for the right moment to attack.
âThis has to be our secret,â I insisted. âDo you promise?â
Phyllis said yes, but I could tell she felt very uncomfortable.
Lenore appeared out of nowhere as I was walking up the steps to school. âI wish someone drove me to school every morning,â she panted, catching up with me. She didnât say it nicely.
âHi, Lenore,â I said. Dealing with Lenore was always so awful, especially today, when I was too worried to follow all my strategies: Avoid her if you can. If you canât avoid her, be on guard for something mean sheâs going to say. When she says something mean, donât explode or sheâll make it worse.
âIâve been working on my report on the Pilgrims. Whatâs yours about?â she asked. Before I could answer, she said, âHey, slow down! Weâre not late.â
I gave in. I slowed down.
âIâm doing a report on the first Thanksgiving,â I said.
âOh, you took the easy topic,â she replied.
I took the first Thanksgiving because John always made Thanksgiving dinner at our house. And it was always my favorite time of year. âLet us give thanks,â he would announce, âthat those of us who have lost their parents can be togetherâ â that was everyone except John â âand