Alone Read Online Free PDF Page B

concerned.
    “ I'm sorry Mrs. Schneider, sometimes it feels like I only come here when there's a problem. I don't mean to bother you with my petty problems.”
    “ Don't be ridiculous Willow. I love that you trust me enough to come to me. Please, tell me what's troubling you.”
    “ Well, I am kind of depressed I guess. I had that dream again last night.”
    “ Usually when you have that dream, you're able to work through your feelings pretty quickly. What's happened dear?”
    “ I can't help but wonder if it's a dream that's actually more like a premonition. I don't want to die alone, Mrs. Schneider. I'm afraid that I'm destined to be alone, to never feel true love. I don't know what to do to get this feeling to go away. I want to know what it's like to truly be loved by someone.”
    “ Well, now that you feel that you're ready to open yourself up enough to a relationship, I'm sure it will come together.”
    “ I sure hope so. I want that companionship.”
    “ I think what you really need is a best friend.”
    “ I've got you though,” I said honestly.
    “ Well, I won't be around forever dear. Don't you have people your own age that you confide in?”
    “ No. I've never taken the time to get to know anyone except you. I've always just been content with having just my art, you know? Instead of talking with someone I would just write or paint or do something creative to work through my problems.”
    “ A relationship might be a bit too much to handle right now don't you think? I think you should really concentrate on truly loving yourself. You absolutely have to love yourself before you can love someone else.”
    I had heard that many times before. I didn't necessarily agree but didn't want to say so. Just because I don't completely love myself doesn't mean that I don't have love to give away.
    “ Willow,” Mrs. Schneider continued breaking my train of thought, “If you don't love yourself and you try loving someone else, you are only going to wind up heartbroken in the end.”
    “ How?” I asked skeptically.
    “ Well, if you don't love yourself to begin with, how are you supposed to work on your own self-esteem if you're putting most of your effort into a relationship? If you can't work on yourself, you are only going to get worse and that will impact your relationship no matter what.”
    “ Good point,” I said defeated. She was right, no matter how much I wanted to deny it.
    “ That being said, when you are satisfied with yourself, you will be able to be yourself in a relationship with absolutely no reservations. You won't feel the need to hide anything which is one main ingredient in a relationship, honesty.”
    “ I don't even know where to start fixing myself though. You know some of the things that I have been through. My mother mostly, but I don't know if I can forgive her for the things she's done, Mrs. Schneider. Some things are unforgivable.”
    “ Nothing is unforgivable Willow. Forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean allowing them back into your life and pretending the past never happened. Forgiveness allows you to take control again. You release the hold the person had on you. If I were to mention your mother in a positive light, what would your internal reaction be?”
    “ Anger, disappointment, disgust....do I need to continue?”
    “ If you were able to forgive her, simply hearing her name wouldn't have that effect on you any longer. You would have the power, not her.”
    When I eventually left Mrs. Schneider's place, I wasn't so depressed, but I was very confused. Loving myself, forgiving my mother, leaving the past behind, they all seemed like a good concept, but how was I supposed to accomplish that? Was that the answer to finally be able to let go of the knife?
    I couldn't dwell on those thoughts. I had a lot to do today and if I was going to work on the wall, I had to get myself together and focus. When I reached the building it was just after nine in the morning. I pulled out