Alien Accounts Read Online Free PDF

receiver and threw both hands to his face.
    ‘Go on, kid,’ said Karl gently. ‘If it will make you feel any better,
I’ll
call the hospital for Ed. All right? Now go on.’ He spanked Eddie lightly, starting him towards the door that led to the stairs. With a zombie stride, the youth marched out.
    Karl replaced the telephone receiver and lit a cigarette.
    ‘Ed’s just faking,’ he announced. ‘Let’s get back to work and just ignore him.’
    Harold licked his lips and glanced towards the door. ‘Too bad about young Eddie. though. So young – to go like
that
.’
    ‘Yes, death is a natural thing,’ Karl said, blowing a smoke ring. ‘We must learn to accept it and live with it. There must be nothing frightening or shameful about dying – it is as natural as pee-pee and poop.’
    ‘Yes, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, as the saying goes.’
    The figure on the floor coughed, one sudden explosive noise, then lay still. Using his dirty grey handkerchief, Henry picked up the phone and dialled an emergency number.
    Section XXIII: Real
     
    ‘All right, Ed, keep it up, right to the last minute,’ Karl yelled down the hall to the covered basket the ambulance men were removing. ‘Keep on faking! You’re only fooling yourself!’
    His voice was shrill with fury. It excited the professional interest of the intern, who had stayed behind to fill out the death certificate.
    ‘Why don’t you sit down for a moment?’ he invited. ‘I know it’s hard to believe in the death of someone close.’ He pressed Karl into a chair and asked Henry his name.
    ‘Karl Henkersmahl. He’s a stapler.’
    ‘1 see. Oh, Mr. Henkersmahl? Karl? Would you mind putting a few staples in this form for me? It’s the death certificate of Mr. Warner.’
    Karl moved slowly and reluctantly, but with a great deal of ceremony (
Feierlichkeit
) and precision beautiful to behold. He placed one staple neatly in each corner of the form.
    ‘Say, he really is dead, isn’t he?’ he murmured then, scratching his head. ‘I thought he was just faking.’
    ‘It’s too late for that,’ said the intern, with a mysterious smile. Though he wore a white uniform, he was a black man.
    Section XXIX: The End of All Clerks
     
    One by one, they were all called. Henry thought of quitting first. He even went so far as to interview with another firm, one specializing in famous information. But that night he dreamed that he was brushing his teeth when the toothbrush began ramming wooden splinters up his gums. It was a warning, perhaps.
    In the spring, Bob and Rod left, smiling, asking that no flowers be sent after them, that they be cremated by a reliable firm recommended by a leading consumer magazine, and that their ashes be mingled.
    At midsummer, Harold left, crossing himself and making signs to ward off the evil eye.
    ‘Nothing to be afraid of,’ Karl assured him with a serene smile. ‘It’s as natural as wee-wee and grunt.’
    But when Karl’s own name was called he behaved in a strange, unnatural manner. The sound made him jerk erect, spoiling a staple. He carefully replaced it, tidied his desk, and with a private, one-sided smile lifted from the bottom drawer a heavy object encased in leather. This he carried into the lavatory and shut the door. A shot rang out. Before Henry, who was the only one left, could try the door, his own name was called on the intercom.
    PART TWO: MASTERSON
    Section I: The Figure at the Head of the Stairs
     
    Masterson, or a bulging, obnoxious, enigmatic person like Masterson, stood at the head of the stairs. Henry saw he would have to squeeze past him to gain the fourth floor. The eyes in their lenses were quiet and horrible as glass, watching him ascend. In his hand, Henry carried the sheet of paper with his motto: ‘If you work good, we’ll do good by you.’ It was folded in neat thirds, and he held it up before him, like a shieldingdental chart.
    Who was this Masterson if this were indeed he? Was he truly the