pew in front of her, knuckles turning white, as she half stood, but she forced herself back down, avoiding drawing any more attention to herself.
“You should go talk to them,” Bryce said, leaning in to whisper in her ear.
“They don’t want to see me,” Sarah said, keeping her voice low.
“They do,” Bryce answered, his voice still quiet but firm. “They just don’t know it yet.”
“Did you learn that in one of your romantic comedy movies?”
“Hey, just because you don’t like the genre doesn’t mean other people don’t get something out of it.”
“I didn’t say I didn’t get something out of it, I just said I think they’re stupid.”
A woman in front of her turned around and gave the two of them a harsh look along with a very terse “shush.” They apologized, and the woman turned around, keeping the offended glare Sarah figured she probably wore during ninety percent of every day of her life.
The sermon was quick, and a few of Ben’s friends spoke, along with Becca’s younger brother. Sarah remembered him from the wedding. The two of them had been paired for the walk down the aisle due to their similar height. He had been soft spoken then, and even now with a microphone in front of his mouth, his words left him like whisper.
Everything anyone said about Ben was words of love. He was kind, smart, funny (in his reserved, straight-man sort of way), and a loving father, son, and husband. And brother. Nobody said that in their speeches, but she finished it for them in her head. She wondered if Becca would speak, but the procession came and went, and she never walked up front.
When the funeral was over, Sarah and Bryce followed the caravan of vehicles to the graveyard, the same one in which her and Ben’s parents were buried. Just like at the church, Sarah watched from a distance as the casket was lowered into the ground. Once the casket disappeared into the earth, a silent exhalation of what was left of the breath in her lungs escaped, and she found herself walking toward the excavated piece of dirt, her feet with a mind of their own. She pushed through the crowds of people, oblivious to whatever curses came out of their mouths from her forceful entrance. She collapsed on the edge of the grave, causing some of the dirt from the side wall to sprinkle on top of the gleaming brown surface of the casket.
“Goodbye, Ben.” The words left her involuntarily. She wondered if the pain she felt was the same Ben had experienced when he watched their parents being lowered into the ground. He’d had to do that alone, without her, without the one person who knew what it felt like to lose their parents. And now she was here watching her brother being buried, just as alone.
A shadow towered over Sarah and blocked out the sun above. She didn’t need to look up to know who it was; she could feel the disdain and disgust rain over her. Sarah wiped her eyes, smearing some of the dirt that lingered on her palms onto her cheek. She pushed herself off the ground, and Becca was nose to nose with her. Her eyes were dry but red, and her face looked like a cold piece of stone.
“What are you doing here?” Becca asked. The words came out less as a question and more as a threat.
“I came to bury my brother,” Sarah said, trying to keep her emotions in check. Her sister-in-law had every right to be upset, but she wasn’t the only one grieving. She wasn’t the only one hurting. Sarah looked past Becca and saw Becca’s mother carrying Ella and Matt toward the car. “How are the kids?”
Becca shoved her finger into Sarah’s chest, and the tense crowd around them started to back off as her words grew louder. “I don’t want to see you again, do you understand that? I don’t want you to call. I don’t want you to come by the house. I don’t want you to ever contact my family again.” Her jaw clenched together with every syllable, and Sarah had to make a conscious effort to bite her tongue and take the