this new edition of After the Fire in the spring of 2013. Itâs thirty-three years since I went shopping on that fateful Wednesday morning. My marriage had failed, and I thought my life was over. I wasnât dead, but I fervently wished I was. Now that my forty-sixth novel is due to be published this fall, good friends like to mimic that old Virginia Slims commercial when they tell me, âYouâve come a long way, baby.â
One last side note. My mother saved Gold Bond Stamps, which is probably why I gravitated to S&H Green Stamps. Unfortunately, trading stamps really did go out of style, but some people never change. Now, instead of saving Green Stamps, I am into frequent-flier miles. So are my daughters.
DNA is like that.
THE COLLECTOR
I like the green ones best.
I count them up as any miser would
And watch them grow with satisfaction,
For they are the tangible symbol
Of what is processed hereâ
Toilet paper, lettuce, pork and beans.
The taxes must be paid in cash.
God knows thereâs precious little of that.
Some say trading stamps are going out of style.
Iâll collect them till I die.
At least itâs something I do well.
Conversation on a Front Porch
Once my husband was out of the house, I thought that would be the end of it, but of course, it wasnât. Every Saturday morning, around six thirty, heâd show up out front and beg me to take him back. âAfter all,â heâd say, âyou said in sickness and in health. This is sickness. Take me back.â But by then I had finally figured out that if eighteen years of my loving him hadnât fixed him, he wasnât going to get well.
People ask me why I moved from Phoenix to Seattle. I tell them, I was a refugee from a bad marriage and a worse divorce. The real reason I had to leave town was that I was weak and susceptible and every bit as addicted to my husband as he was to booze. Even waiting to meet him at a restaurant to discuss the terms of our divorce, I felt my heart rise in my throat at simply seeing the man walking toward me on the sidewalk. I was outraged that my body could betray me in such a fashion. He was bad for me. He had drained me of all joy and laughter, although I didnât know how thoroughly for a very long time.
Six years later, and a year into my marriage to my second husbandâthe nice oneâwe visited Phoenix. I took my new husband by the insurance agency office where I had once worked to introduce him to the people who had been my fellow employees there. None of the people in the office recognized me because, in all the years we had worked together, they had never seen me smile and had never heard me laugh.
CONVERSATION ON A FRONT PORCH
He rings the doorbell. More distant
Than a stranger, he stands on the porch
Of the house that used to be our home,
Begging me to come and talk,
Just talk, he tells me, nothing more.
Civility is difficult to put away,
Especially after years of sharing lives.
And so I go. Itâs easier to go and listen
Than it is to say no. Saying no requires honesty,
A commodity that seems to be in very short supply.
I listen as he reviews mistakes, hoping to find
The key that will put things right again,
But time for that has long since passed, and now
Our only hope is to exit with perhaps
A modicum of grace.
At last I find a plausible excuse to go inside,
Placing welcome distance between his rosary of blame
And me. I will not go again to hear him tell his beads,
To say a mournful requiem over something
That has passed beyond all powers of resurrection.
Why?
I probably should have named this poem âCollateral Damageâ instead of âWhy?â
The kids were little when their father moved out of the house. My daughter was in first grade, my son in kindergarten. Since I was the one who had instigated the divorce, I was the one left to answer the childrenâs questions, and I did that as best I could. I sat them down and
Yvette Hines, Monique Lamont