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exit. I watched
     him walk away, and turn past the metal chain link fence, and disappear down the strip
     of beige sidewalk that bordered the lot.
    I stood there, looking at the collection of cars and buses, then back down at my feet
     on the dusty ground. I kicked a pebble. The milky sky meant it was full daylight but
     it was like a ceiling over the city. There was a bright spot that was the sun trying
     to break through, but mostly the no-color sky matched the concrete buildings. The
     bus stood out—silver and black, an energetic stripe of metal that promised a lot.
     Sound check was at 3 p.m. I looked up at the sky again. The color of very milky coffee.
     I shut my eyes, and leaned back against the bus to wait for mine.

chapter four
    Montreal and West
    The first night went well. One cock-up when the bassist started playing the wrong
     song, having skipped one ahead. Tristan had turned around and made a small motion
     with his hand, and Jack turned towards the drum kit, and played a couple of gliding
     notes to put himself back in the right key, the right bar. It was reasonably skillful,
     but Tristan’s expression was one of frustration. When static started to come out of
     the keyboard monitor, his howl in the lyric felt like it was coming straight out of
     his blood. One of the roadies rushed out and replaced the cord, and the other half
     of the bass sound suddenly burst out into the mix. AC quickly threw in a howling whine
     of bent notes and arpeggiated chords. The explosive energy with which he attacked
     the strings brought the first smile to Tristan’s face all night.
    I was there to watch. Take notes. Be there. I looked at the crowd. Plastic cups of
     beer in hand, swaying along to one of the new songs, a few mouthing the words. The
     usual throng of the obsessed down the front—a few devoted fans, a few good looking
     girls who felt justified by their looks to try and catch the eye of the band members.
     Fuck, you only live once, why not, I thought. Even so, it wasn’t a pretty sight. I
     wondered if they knew the words. Not like the guy over by Tristan, who had the look
     of the recently blessed, a sort of holy passion and peace on his face. He was fun
     to watch. When Tristan and AC stood back to back and Tristan slid down halfway, supporting
     AC, one large hand twisted around and pressed against AC’s slim waist, one hand in
     a death grip on the microphone, his thighs taut with the effort, the effect was electric.
     I glanced over to the guy. He was frozen to the spot, his mouth slightly open. I was
     close enough to see that a vein in his neck was slightly pulsing. It was like watching
     an animal come alive, leaving everything that held him back behind. At the end of
     the concert, when Tristan bent down to slap the hands of the fans, I watched as he
     reached out. Tristan’s expression changed in a moment, from the rock star performing
     a necessary part to that of a priest performing a rite that would link the clamoring
     soul to the divine. His face grew serious, and Tristan reached out and grabbed his
     hands, delivering a small kiss to the blessed fan’s forehead, seemingly unaware of
     the maze of hands that were reaching out to touch his thighs, his arms, any part of
     him that they could reach. AC was at his back, smiling down at them, ignoring the
     pleas of the fans. Then it was all over, and Tristan and AC walked off, waving to
     the crowd. The guy watched them go off, then pushed through the crowd, as though now
     he was in a hurry to get away from them, to be alone with his thoughts. And I wondered
     about the power on both sides of this moment. This connection that would never be
     repeated for him, but might be only the first of many for Tristan.
    After we returned to the bus, we sat for a while in the bedroom, while Tristan and
     AC worked out some guitar parts and revised the set list. I lay back on the bed, and
     closed my eyes and listened to them play and hum out parts and