Absolute Mayhem Read Online Free PDF Page B

he came near me
again he would end up in jail.
    Afterwards, I had to see a psychologist because I was
having bad nightmares and serious bouts of depression.
The image of him hitting me kept replaying itself in
my head. The psychologist tried out this hypnotherapy
technique on me called 'rapid eye movement desensitisation'.
He had me close my eyes and call up the image
in my head of being hit that night. When I opened my
eyes, I would follow his finger as he moved it from side
to side. We kept doing this over many treatments, until
finally I could no longer bring up the image. It was like
he had pushed it to the back of my mind so all those
feelings disappeared. I can't believe that it actually
worked.
    I realised I had been going down a very dangerous
path, partying too much, taking too many drugs and
putting myself in dodgy situations. One of my good
friends, who was the head of the FX (foreign exchange)
trading desk at ABN AMRO, offered me a room in his
awesome house in Drummoyne – free of charge! All
I had to do was help clean. He loved to cook, so he
would make the tastiest dinners for us. This guy used to
crack me up every time I walked into the dealing room
at work, and he always stuck up for me like an older
brother (or perhaps a father figure). If any guys made
rude comments about me, he would yell at them.
    Living with him, I finally got off the drugs, took up
kick-boxing again and saved a lot of money. He was like
my best friend, and I would look forward to coming
home after work and having great conversations with
him. But several years later, he found out about my porn
career and didn't really talk to me after that. Clearly, he
was not happy to know that at all. The last I knew of
his whereabouts he was living in Byron Bay and had
married a hippie chick. I learned he has a daughter and
is trading from home, which was always his dream.
I'm happy for him, but it would be nice if we could still
be friends.
    After a year and a half at the newly merged ABN
AMRO/Lloyds Bank, I was fed up with the strictures of
the new office climate, so I went for an interview at CBA
Futures, for a position in futures clearing, and they hired
me. Futures clearing is basically when all the financial
transactions, usually from the futures-broking department
or trading-floor deals, get thoroughly checked
and approved before being processed or settled.
    I stayed at CBA for three and a half years, working
my way up to become an assistant financial controller
in futures broking and clearing. When I wasn't out
partying with my work colleagues, I was kick-boxing
five nights a week (which added-up to ten hours a week!)
at Thunderlegs gym in Granville. I also did a couple of
gigs as a ring-card girl at some fights, which is where I
met a new boyfriend, who was a fighter. I was with him
for about six months. I had quit partying by that stage,
because, obviously, kick-boxing and doing drugs just
don't mix.
    All the time I was working in the financial markets,
I was always studying other things, pursuing my other
dreams. I took a class on modelling for commercials and
they got me a big hair show on a huge stage in front of a
massive audience. I enjoyed being up on that stage, and
it confirmed to me that I loved showing myself off in
front of people. The only downside was that my hair got
thrashed – they had coloured it with so many different
dyes that when they tried to straighten it they couldn't.
It was totally fried. Three hair stylists from a top salon
couldn't even tame it, so they did an updo on me.
    I think I was quite clueless about modelling, and I
didn't pick the best agencies to work with. I was rejected
from some of the top places, since at five foot five I was
too short: the minimum height for modelling was five
foot eight.
    Feeling dejected about my modelling career, I decided
at the ripe old age of 18 to get my Higher School Certificate
via correspondence. I worked on that for a couple
of years and did really well with my grades. I