About Time Read Online Free PDF Page B

that thump in the chest. The journey only lasted a few minutes. I don’t dare look at my watch, it was seven o’clock a moment ago, I have no desire to discover that it’s already nine.
    I give five little knocks on the door, lick my lips five times, count five steps and start again. 
    One, two, three, four, five.
    One, two, three, four, five.
    A way for me to catch my breath.
    Federico and the others don’t seem to be paying any attention to my difficulties, maybe they think I’m still trying to work off my fear of flying. He knows I don’t like talking about my phobias, he’d never guess I’d actually like to be up there still, on that plane. Still , because it’s not normal that we’re already at the hotel.
    With every step I take, I feel myself getting out of breath. I’d like to scream to everyone to stop. Slow down, why are you rushing like that? When did the porter take our luggage? And now where’s he going so quickly? The concierge didn’t even welcome us, he’s like a broker spewing out numbers in the middle of the afternoon. The lift zooms up to the top floor, the doors open wide, am I the only one who feels as if they’re throwing us out into the corridor? Before I set off towards my room I throw a last glance at Federico, my friend Federico, hoping he can see the panic in my eyes and decipher the messages I’m sending him. Try to help me, Fede, if you can.
    “Go ahead, we’ll catch you up,” Federico says to the others, then takes me by the arm and draws me aside into a little sitting area off the corridor.
    “Svevo, what’s happening to you?”
    I open my mouth to reply, but he interrupts me as if he’s been waiting too long.
    “Are you going to tell me what’s happening? Don’t you feel well? Is there anything we can do?”
    I try to think up some explanation, but he’s impatient. “If this is some kind of panic attack, I have tranquillizers.”
    “It’s all right.” I give up and let him walk me to the door of my room, letting him believe that the thought that I could take a tranquillizer if I wanted one has managed to relax me. 
    The room is as I expected to find it, which ought to reassure me: the blue carpet, an infinity of mirrors, everything perfect down to the smallest detail. Gaëlle and I will have a good time here tonight. I try to abandon myself to thoughts of that. The bed looks incredibly comfortable. I love pillows and there are as many as I want. It’s still too early to get ready, so I can just collapse in the middle of these pillows and wait for everything to return to normal. Everything’s under control, I keep telling myself, I’m just a bit tired.
    There’s a knock at the door. The porter must have forgotten an item of luggage.
    I go to open it, and there’s Federico, already dressed for the evening, staring at me with a puzzled look on his face.
    “Haven’t you changed yet? It’s nearly ten. Gaëlle will be here any minute now. She said not to keep her waiting.”
    Again that thump in the chest. I run my hand through my hair.
    “Are you tired? Did you fall asleep?”
    How can I tell him I thought I’d only come into this room a few minutes ago? How can I explain that I wanted to take a bath more than anything else in the world and thought I had at least two hours to spare? There’s no way, I can’t even explain it to myself.
    “Well, you might as well go like that. You don’t look too bad, though you could comb your hair a bit… Are you sure you’re feeling all right?”
    Oh, yes, I’m all right. Yes, I’m perfectly all right. Apart from the fact that I have the impression I’m about to die at any moment. And apart from the fact that ever since I got on that damned plane my perception of time has turned upside down, I feel dirty and sweaty, and I have a premonition that I won’t even have time to wash my hands. Maybe it’s the drugs, Fede, we’ve taken too many of them over the past few years, there’s no getting away from that, and now