A Straight Line to My Heart Read Online Free PDF Page B

chooks – I only copy her, so don’t blame me. In later life Harrison will need to see a psychiatrist about this, but for now he thinks we’re funny, so mission accomplished. I no sooner step away from him, when Rowie strikes again. And this time it’s my turn to change her.
    â€˜Yuck!’ I hold my hands in front of me and shake them wildly – hoping my fingers might fly off. I have no use for them anymore.
    Instead of sympathy, Kayla gives me a high five.
    Only two more hours and Inky will be home. She’s out with Colin playing pokies at the Royal – and probably flashing the latest set of ultrasounds about.
    â€˜All better now,’ I say. ‘I’m just not used to . . . that.’
    â€˜You need more practice.’ Kayla bounces Rowie on her knee. That’s like stirring a volcano with a stick. ‘Should get you doing this more often.’
    â€˜Sounds good. I’ll put it in the diary for my next free night – that’ll be ten years from now, on a Tuesday.’
    Kayla isn’t really great on amusing comebacks but her eye-rolling is right up there with the very best.
    Harrison is on the floor, back at his colouring-in. He looks like he’s coping a lot better than me. Little kids are tough. Maybe I’ll need to see the shrink before him. I ease into the lounge chair and try to relax.
    Kayla picks up Rowie. ‘Here’s a present for you. I know you’ve been dying to have a hold.’ She plonks the baby onto my lap. ‘Don’t break her.’
    That’s exactly what I’m scared of.
    â€˜Give her the dummy.
    â€˜Don’t hold her too tight.
    â€˜Or too loose.
    â€˜And don’t drop her.’
    I feel like a blind person, learning to fly.
    â€˜Now you’ve got it. Don’t move.’
    That’s easy. I’m too scared to move.
    â€˜Say cheesecake!’
    Kayla and her rotten camera phone.
    I poke out my tongue as the flash goes off. Rowie giggles and her fingers rake my face.
    â€˜She likes you, Tiff.’
    I try not to show it, but I’m starting to like her, too. I admit I couldn’t see much upside in having a baby at first, but now that she’s dry and clean and smelling good, she seems close to perfect.
    â€˜You’re a natural at this,’ Kayla says.
    â€˜Sure I am.’
    â€˜No, really. You’ve got all the moves down.’
    â€˜What moves? I’m not doing a thing.’
    â€˜Yes you are. You’re putting out all the right vibes. Babies are like cats. They sense if you like them. She’s happy to be with you. Check her out.’
    Rowie laughs at that very moment. She does look like she’s enjoying herself.
    â€˜So how many kids do you think you’ll have, Tiff?’
    We’ve been over this ground lots of times; her asking me, me firing it back at her. We have fun with it, but I guess we’re also really searching for the answer.
    Kayla can never quite decide. One day she doesn’t want any kids. Ask her the next day and she wants to have a try at Inky’s record. Ask her Sunday morning after a hard night of partying she’ll most likely settle for a pet rock.
    For me it’s a toughy. Any other day, when I haven’t got a baby pressed against my chest, I’d know the answer without hesitation. I’ve thought about guys, sure I have. And I’ve thought a whole lot about love: how I’d fall right in it one day, and it would be the best fall of my life. But so far I haven’t even been in the same country as love – at least not the Heathcliff kind. I think one of the essentials for that to happen is for a guy to actually know I’m alive. I don’t get a lot of that.
    So I tell myself every chance I get, to help me get used to it –
    no guys for me,
    no babies
    never, ever, ever.
    Now I’m not so sure. Somewhere deep down the maternal instinct is stirring, but I know it’s going to