A Spot of Bother Read Online Free PDF

back. If Tony wasn’t too knackered, he might get a shag.
    In a nearby garden a child kicked a football against a wall.
Doink. Doink. Doink.
    Everything seemed suspended in some kind of balance. Obviously someone would come along and fuck it up, because that’s what other people did. But for now…
    He felt a little peckish and wondered whether there were any Pringles left. He stood up and went inside.

10
    Katie sometimes wondered whether Mum chose her opinions just to wind her up.
    Clearly she’d rather the wedding didn’t go ahead. But if it did she wanted it to be a grand and public celebration. Katie pointed out that it was a second wedding. Mum said they didn’t want to seem cheap. Katie said that some restaurants were very expensive indeed. Her mother suggested a church blessing. Katie asked why. Her mother said it would be nice. Katie pointed out that nice was not the point of religion. Her mother said she should arrange to have a dress made. Katie said she didn’t do frocks. Her mother told her not to be ridiculous. And Katie began to realize they should have tied the knot in Las Vegas and told everyone afterward.
    The following day Katie was watching
Brookside
on telly while Ray and Jacob made some kind of rudimentary shelter out of two dining chairs and the picnic blanket. She asked what they were doing and Jacob said they were making a tent. “For the wedding.” And Katie thought, “Sod it.” She was getting married to Ray. Her parents were going to have a party. They were simply going to do these things simultaneously.
    She rang her mother and suggested a compromise. Her mother got the marquee and the flowers and the cake. Katie got the civil ceremony, no blessing and a dress off-the-peg.
    The following Saturday Ray and Jacob went to get a new exhaust fitted while Katie met Mona in town to buy an outfit before Mum changed her mind.
    She bought herself a long silk strapless dress in sky blue from Whistles. You couldn’t run in it (Katie made a point of never buying anything you couldn’t run in) but if the register office caught fire she reckoned Ray could sling her over his shoulder. She bought a pair of suede shoes in a slightly darker blue with a bit of heel from a place on Oxford Street, and it was quite fun being girly for a few hours with Mona, who could do girly till the cows came home.
    When she got home she did a twirl for the boys and Jacob said, “You look like a lady,” which was weird, but sweet.
    She bent down and kissed him (bending down wasn’t particularly easy either). “We should get you a sailor suit to match.”
    “Don’t be hard on the little chap,” said Ray.
    Jacob gave her a serious look. “I want to wear my Bob the Builder T-shirt.”
    “I’m not sure what Granny is going to think about that,” said Katie.
    “But I want to wear my Bob the Builder T-shirt,” said Jacob.
    They’d cross that bridge when they came to it.

11
    George sat in the car outside the surgery, gripping the steering wheel like a man driving down a mountainside.
    The lesion felt like a manhole cover of rotted meat under his shirt.
    He could see the doctor, or he could drive away. He felt a little calmer just putting it like that. Option A or Option B.
    If he saw the doctor he would be told the truth. He did not want to be told the truth, but the truth might not be as bad as he feared. The lesion might be benign or of a treatable size. Dr. Barghoutian, however, was only a GP. George might be referred to a specialist and have to live with the prospect of that meeting for a week, two weeks, a month (it was entirely possible that after seven days without eating or sleeping one went completely insane, in which case matters would be taken out of his hands).
    If he drove away, Jean would ask him where he had been. The surgery would ring home to ask why he had missed the appointment. He might not get to the phone first. He would die of cancer. Jean would find out that he had not been to the doctor and