I can still wear the same size gym shorts I wore when I played sports in high school. We work out in gym shoes, white socks, old running shorts, and much-used jock straps. Many times the workout has been interrupted for more intimate activities. We work out together as often as we can.
That evening we went to the funeral home. Often when going out, Scott's fear of being recognized limits us. Several times in restaurants we've had to leave before finishing because of persistent and obnoxious fans. Other times we've been in the most public of places and no one has said a thing. It's not so much being seen with another male and people thinking he's gay, but to keep away from the admiring hordes. At a gathering such as this I doubted there would be much trouble.
The funeral home was crowded. Amid the strangers, I recognized several faculty members and parents.
I spotted Mrs. Evans and went up to her. She looked tired and subdued.
"I'm so sorry," I said.
"Mr. Mason, thank you for coming." She turned a pasty white. "You're the one who found him."
"Yes."
"It's so awful." She glanced up at me tearfully. "I remember when you had Phil in class. You tried to help. I could tell you cared. I don't know what I would have done if it hadn't been for you. You were wonderful."
"I hope I helped," was all I could think of to say.
Abruptly she seemed to come to some decision. She glanced quickly around and lowered her voice to a whisper.
"I must talk to you." She took my arm and led me down a corridor to a private room. She closed the door and stood in the middle of the floor, trembling.
"What is it, Mrs. Evans?" I went to her, put my hand on her arm.
"I'm glad he's dead," she snarled. "He was an evil and cruel man."
— 3 —
I didn't know what to say.
She continued. "He abused all of us, hurting the children, bullying me. I feel like I'm waking up from a hideous nightmare. I can't tell them out there." She jerked her head toward the door. "They'd never understand the dutiful wife who hated every breath the bastard took." She began crying.
"It's all right," I said, patting her arm awkwardly.
"I'm not crying for him." Her voice was fierce. "I want you to know that. It's like I'm on a roller coaster. One minute I'm so happy he's gone, and the next I realize I have nothing to fall back on. I've never had a job. I have no skills. I have no idea what's going to happen to the children and me.
She stepped away from me, found a Kleenex in her purse, and dabbed at her eyes. "I didn't kill him," she said. "I couldn't. I'm not strong enough, although there were a thousand times I wish I had been, but I didn't kill him."
She put the Kleenex back in her purse, stood up straighter. "I didn't ask you here to slobber all over you. You've got to help me. Phil is missing. I'm worried."
"Missing? For how long?"
"Since yesterday. He talked to the police around two o'clock at the house. He left around four and never came back. I didn't hear anything during the night. This morning he wasn't at breakfast. I checked his room. The bed was perfectly made. There was no note. He hasn't been back all day. I called the school, but he didn't show up there either."
"Have you told the police?"
"No, I'm afraid to. They'll think he had some part in killing his father. I know they will. He's a good boy, moody, like so many teenagers are, but a good son."
"Maybe he's simply off grieving by himself?"
She gave a short laugh. "They hated each other. Jim used to beat Phil when he was younger. The last time Jim tried, a couple years ago, he didn't realize how much Phil had grown up. The boy fought back. I thought they would kill each other. And I'm afraid Phil knows things about his father."
"What makes you think that?"
"There were times, not that long ago, when Phil would talk to me, but not for a while now. He hasn't talked to anyone at home for months. When we did speak, I'd urge him to talk to his father. I wanted them to get along. I wanted us
David Levithan, Rachel Cohn