suddenly throwing hundred-dollar bills around at the stores in town.”
Jacob shook his head. “We could wait awhile, then leave town, start up new lives.”
“A million apiece,” Lou said. “Think about it.”
“You just don’t get away with something like that.” I sighed. “You end up doing something stupid, and you get caught.”
“Don’t you see, Hank?” Jacob asked, his voice rising with impatience. “It’s like this money doesn’t even exist. No one knows about it but us.”
“It’s three million dollars, Jacob. It’s missing from somewhere. You can’t tell me no one’s searching for it.”
“If people were searching for it, we would’ve heard by now. There would’ve been something on the news.”
“It’s drug money,” Lou said. “It’s all under the table. The government doesn’t know about any of it.”
“You don’t—” I started, but Lou cut me off.
“Jesus, Hank. All this money staring you right in the face. It’s the American dream, and you just want to walk away from it.”
“You work for the American dream, Lou. You don’t steal it.”
“Then this is even better than the American dream.”
“What reason would you have for turning it in?” Jacob asked. “No one’s going to get hurt by our taking it. No one’s going to know.”
“It’s stealing, Jacob. Isn’t that enough?”
“It’s not stealing,” he said firmly. “It’s like lost treasure, like a chest full of gold.”
There was some sense in what he was saying, I could see that, yet at the same time it seemed like we were overlooking something. Mary Beth made a whimpering sound in the snow, and Jacob, without taking his eyes off my face, began to pet him. The crows sat quietly in the surrounding trees, hunch shouldered against the cold, like miniature vultures. Darkness was falling quickly all around us.
“Come on, Hank,” Lou said. “Don’t fuck this up.”
I still didn’t say anything—I was hesitating, wavering. As much as I delighted in my power over Lou and Jacob, I didn’t want to do something I’d later regret merely to contradict them. Without even realizing it, without even intending to do it, I began searching for a way to take the packets. And it was like magic, too, like a gift from the gods, the ease with which a solution came to me, a simple plan, a way to keep the money without fear of getting caught. I could just sit on it, hiding it away until the plane was discovered. If someone found the wreck and there was no mention of a missing three million dollars, I’d split it up with Lou and Jacob and we could go our separate ways. But if, on the other hand, it seemed like someone knew the money was missing, I’d burn it. The duffel bag and the packets themselves would be the only evidence that could be held against me. Up until the very instant I gave Lou and Jacob their shares, I’d be in complete control. I could erase my crime at a moment’s notice.
Looking back on it now, after all that’s happened, it seems insane with what little fear I picked this path. It took me perhaps twenty seconds, a third of a minute’s worth of debate. For a brief instant I was in complete control, not only of the money’s destiny but also of my own, and Jacob’s, and Lou’s, yet I was utterly unconscious of this, had no feel for the weight of my decision, could not sense how, within the next few seconds, I was going to set into motion a series of events that would radically transform each of our lives. In my ignorance, my choice seemed straightforward, unambiguous: if I were to give up the duffel bag now, it’d be an irrevocable step—I’d hand it over to the sheriff, and it’d be gone forever. My plan, on the other hand, would allow me to postpone a decision until we had more information. I’d be taking a step, but not one that I couldn’t undo.
“All right,” I said. “Put the money back.”
Neither of them moved.
“We’re keeping it?” Lou asked.
“I’m keeping