A Moment Read Online Free PDF

hand, and was told to kill… it was like breathing again. At first.
     
    When I could pretend that each man I shot was him.
     
    But they weren’t him.
     
    That day, when I’d turned eighteen and had gone to the hospital, I thought I’d finally buried it. But I hadn’t. Not really. I’d only thrown a little dirt on it.
     
    Closing my eyes I start to shiver. Not from cold, but from the sweat pouring through my skin, the panic laying siege to my heart. Running through artillery had been easy. Seeing R.P.G.’s blow up beside me, cake… why couldn’t I stop this?
     
    I’d worked my entire life to forget, to fight and forget. To become a man, to never look back. But I’m stuck in a revolving door, no matter how many times I push, all I ever really do is stay in place. I’d flown halfway across the world, but could never outrun Texas . Could never get away, because the dog is always on my heels, always there to remind me who I really am.
     
    My teeth are clacking, I look at the straight razor beside me.
     
    Squeezing my eyes shut, a terrible sound draws from my mouth. One I’d never heard before. I can’t do this anymore. Can’t pretend. Can’t keep lying that it isn’t hurting, isn’t killing me a little every day.
     
    He wins, but I think in the end he always knew that.
     
    Picking up the razor I hold it to my wrist and count slowly to ten.
     

 
    Chapter 5
     
    Liliana
     

     
    I keep looking at the door. Alex is on the couch with his arms crossed behind his head, eyes closed, snoring softly. But something feels wrong. In my heart and soul I feel something is off. But I can’t very well go knocking on the door and ask “are you all right?” I don’t know him.
     
    How would that look?
     
    Especially with Alex not looking in the least bit concerned.
     
    At the club I’d managed to convince Ryan it was time to go home. Alex had had to help me get him up. He was a lot bigger than he looked, solid muscle with legs like jelly.
     
    We’d flagged down a cab. On the way home I’d called my mom, told her where I would be, trying to ignore the guilty feeling I’d had leaving Javi without me for so long.
     
    But Ade had laughed and said Javier was reading his books. He loved his comic books, once he got started it could be hours before I got them away from him. They’re one of the few things that keep him calm, so I don’t normally mind, but I wish he’d miss me sometimes.
     
    Shaking my head, I try to gather my thoughts.
     
    “Alex,” I whisper. “Hey,” I say louder, touching his shoulder this time. “Wake up.”
     
    Squinting open one eye, he takes off his baseball cap and lifts his brows. “Wazzup.”
     
    The water’s still running. We’ve been here an hour already. “Is that normal?” I point behind me to the closed bathroom door.
     
    “He drank too much, that’s his way of sobering up. Gets totally shit-faced, comes home, and vegges beneath the spray until the bubble guts sends him running for the toilet. He’s fine. Relax.” He pats my knee and then resumes his position on the couch. Head back, fingers steepled on his chest and eyes closed.
     
    Mouth thinning, I try to believe him. This isn’t my business.
     
    But I can’t stop my knee from fidgeting, eventually Alex groans and smiles.
     
    “Look, if you want, I’ll take you home. Though I’m not gonna lie, it’s kind of nice having a girl around I actually like talking to. But I know you have a kid, so it’s up to you.”
     
    Biting on the tip of my thumbnail I shake my head. “No, it’s cool. Javi has a babysitter and he’s doing good.”  
     
    “So you can stay?”
     
    Not like anyone’s missing me at home. “For a bit.”
     
    “Good. Then I think…” he slaps his palms on his jeans, “I’m gonna walk toward the convenience store and get us some sodas. Maybe rent a movie. Sound good?”
     
    It’s all I can do not to twist around and stare at the door. An awful feeling slinks through my gut.