A Million Tears Read Online Free PDF

are doing for me and I’m sure the twins’ll be grateful too when they understand better. But what’s going to happen? I go to school and I’ll work hard and try and make you proud of me. But what about you and Mam? What are you going to be doing? Working double shifts for the next ten years or so? Da, I know I’m only ten but I can see what it’s doing to you. I know how hard it must be and how tired you must be.’ I trailed off. I had never spoken to him like that before and I was unsure how he would react. I was taking advantage of not being well, hoping that instead of becoming angry he would talk. I wanted to persuade him to leave.
    He was silent for a few seconds, looking at his hands, perhaps seeing the ingrained grime no amount of scrubbing would remove properly, or the calluses as hard as the lumps of coal they dug out of the ground.
    ‘I know what you mean son and I suppose one of the reasons Mam and me are doing what we are doing for you is because we know you appreciate it. If we thought you were ungrateful then perhaps we’d send you down the mine like the rest of the kids. And don’t forget that may still happen. We don’t know how much it will all cost yet, not until we try it. And how will we pay for Sion?’ He shrugged. ‘And don’t you get me wrong. We aren’t asking for gratitude. You are the way you are and Mam and me are the way we are. Together we make a family which, I hope, cares for one another.’ He paused. ‘I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. Except maybe we feel your education is as important to us as it is to you, and that it’s worth trying for. So why don’t we get that over with first and then think of a future somewhere else? At least, see, we know the system here. If you can get to school and down the valley then you’ve a chance of getting to university, like Mam explained it to you. I know you’ll still need a scholarship and all but there’s a chance for you, son; a chance I never had.’ He smiled. ‘Your Mam would have done better if she had been a boy. As it is . . . and she taught me the importance of schooling. It’s a chance not only for you but for us too. Why,’ his eyes glowed, ‘you could even become a doctor. Mam said and she should know. Just think of that Dai. A doctor in the family. Why, Granddad and Grandma will be tickled pink, look you.’
    ‘I know, Da,’ I interrupted, ‘but Mam could teach us for a year or two,’ the words came in a rush. I had thought of it so often. ‘And by then we could be established in a new place, where there’d be a school and college. Look at America. They’ve got colleges there. It said so in that book Mam brought home. I wouldn’t lose any time that mattered and if I had to stay an extra year or two, well,’ I shrugged, ‘it won’t matter, see?’
    He leaned forward and ruffled my hair. ‘Aye, Dai, I do see. And look you, I’ll give it some thought. But I don’t think it’s possible just yet. Don’t forget that all the money we saved for school will be used. Then what? How will we pay for it in America? It isn’t as simple as you think. I know,’ he held up his hand to forestall my interruption, ‘the amount of money paid in the mines there. But I hear things are worse there than they are here for safety and unions and things like that. So things aren’t all greener over there, or whatever that saying of your Mam’s is.’
    ‘The grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the hill,’ I quoted.
    ‘Exactly. Look you, Mam and me do talk about it sometimes like I said and I think hard about it. I’ll think some more but I don’t know . . .’ he trailed off.
    After he went downstairs I picked up the atlas again and compared South Africa with America. I had thought of Australia at one time but for some reason I forget now, I had discounted it. No, it had to be Africa or America and I knew which had my vote, if we ever got as far as voting on it. I paused. Maybe Da would go but