A Load of Hooey Read Online Free PDF

really, and would surely fill both sides of these beautiful gold tablets, cluttering them, destroying their aesthetic impact entirely.”
    Where are the gold tablets, you ask? Unfortunately, they are lost to time. Yes, I know I’ve only been walking for forty-five minutes, but hey…time swallowed them up. I’m not sure where I was when I lost them to time, but it was somewhere between minutes thirty-two and forty-three, by my guesstimate. Please, dolook for them. Look and look and look, but don’t stop believing or you will surely NEVER find them! As they say, “You can’t win if you don’t play!”
    So there you have it. I met God down by the trestle and now I am here to share the good news. I’m not saying everyone should follow me, or give me something called a “tithing” with which to do as I please, but it wouldn’t hurt and I think it’s what He would have wanted.

Famous Quotations—Unabridged

    â€œ If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything . You can just be a big dummy who doesn’t remember anything, ever, but who everybody trusts a lot. A big, stupid, dummy.” —Mark Twain

POLITICIAN’S PROMISE
    H ello, and let me begin by thanking the citizenry of this great state for electing me as your representative to the United States Senate. I’ve never been to Washington, so I haven’t been tainted by its atmosphere or culture. Washington and its ways are a complete mystery to me, I assure you, so when I get there it won’t be politics as usual. In fact, it won’t be politics at all! Thank you for that standing ovation. Please, let me continue.
    Since I know nothing at all about Washington, the first thing I’m going to do when I get there is buy a map. I want to get a sense of how the city is laid out. Are there any screwy roads that change their name and then back again, like you often find in big cities? I don’t want to waste any time wandering around lost when I could be doing the people’s work.
    As a new senator I will need one big question answered right away: where do you eat? I want to taste everything Washington has to offer, from lobster j’toi to Chinese chop suey to hamburger à la greasy! And I won’t skip dessert. From cakes to frozen yogurts, I want to try it all.
    Next up, the sights and sounds. I want to feel the pulse of Washington. I’ll see the bigger monuments and I’ll search for the hidden treasures. I’ll check out blogs and ask people on the street for recommendations. How about a weekend at the zoo? Do theyhave a zoo? I’ll find out. Maybe that will be on that map I’m planning on getting!
    Once I have a working knowledge of Washington and the greater Washington area, it will be time to get to work. But first, how does Government work? What are these three branches I’ve heard so much about? What color house does the leader of our country live in? Where do the senators go, and what do they do when they’re not working?
    Before my first term is up, I promise to take a guided tour of the Senate. I’ll meet real live senators and get to shake their hands. How cool would that be? Imagine me, a senator, gaining entrée into real senators’ offices!
    But before I “go Washington” on you all, I want you to know I will take day trips. Historic Virginia, I’m right on your doorstep! New York and the delights of Broadway are just a train trip away. Why stop there? Arizona is a short hop, skip, and a flight to see some of what I’ve heard are the most colorful rocks ever invented! By the time my term is over I may have to get a new map…or two…or three.
    I hope you’re happy you elected me to Government. I know I am.
    [ A train whistle blows .]
    There’s my train… I’m taking the scenic route—b-bye!!

HITLER DINNER PARTY
    A PLAY
    Do you have an amateur theatrical group? Get one!