A Lineage of Grace Read Online Free PDF Page B

chaos of this family came from Judah’s failure to exercise his authority often enough. Judah preferred the open spaces of hills and fields to the confines of his house. Tamar didn’t fault him—sheep and goats were peaceful, complacent company compared to a contentious wife and hot-tempered, quarrelsome sons. Sometimes Er and Onan behaved like wild beasts tied together and thrown into a box!
    Judah could run away from unpleasantness. Judah could hide from responsibility. Tamar had to live with danger day after day.
    Her body jerked as something large crashed inside the house. Bathshua screamed tearful curses down upon her son. Er retaliated. More crockery hit the wall. A metal cup flew out the doorway and bounced across the ground.
    “You must stay away from the house today,” Acsah said quietly.
    “Bathshua may prevail.” Turning away, Tamar gazed toward the distant hills while the battle raged behind her. Her hand trembled as she wiped the perspiration from her face. Closing her eyes, she sighed. Perhaps Judah’s command would be enough this time.
    “Bathshua always prevails in one way or another,” Acsah said bitterly. She scraped angrily at the dry earth. “If screaming fails, she’ll sulk until she gets her way.”
    Tamar ignored Acsah and tried to think of more pleasant things. She thought of her sisters. They had squabbles, but they enjoyed one another’s company. She remembered how they had sung together as they worked and told stories to entertain one another. Her father had a temper like any other man, and there had been loud arguments at times between her brothers, but nothing in her experience had prepared her for Judah’s household. Each day she tried to arise with new hope, only to have it crushed again.
    “If only I had a place here, Acsah, some small corner of influence . . .” She spoke without self-pity.
    “You will have when you produce a son.”
    “A son.” Tamar’s heart ached with longing. She longed for a child more than anyone, even her husband, whose desire for a son was more an extension of his own pride than a desire to prosper his family. For Tamar, a son would secure her position in the household. She would no longer feel such loneliness, with a baby in her arms. She could love a son and hold him close and receive love from him. Perhaps a son would even soften Er’s heart toward her—and his hand as well.
    She remembered again Bathshua’s crushing condemnation: “If you didn’t disappoint my son, he wouldn’t beat you so often! Do as he wishes, and perhaps he will treat you better!” Tamar blinked back tears, fighting against self-pity. What good would that do? It would only weaken her resolve. She was a member of this family, whether she wanted to be or not. She mustn’t allow her emotions to prevail. She knew Bathshua delighted in making hurtful remarks. A day never passed without her mother-in-law’s finding some way to stab at her heart.
    “Another moon has passed, Tamar, and still you haven’t conceived! I was with child a week after I wed Judah!”
    Tamar could say nothing without rousing Er’s temper. What defense had she when nothing she did pleased her mother-in-law or her young husband? She ceased to hope for tenderness or compassion from either of them. Honor and loyalty seemed to be missing as well, for Bathshua had to resort to threats to get Er to obey Judah’s summons.
    “Enough, I say!” Er shouted in frustration, drawing Tamar’s attention back to the altercation between mother and son. “ Enough! I’ll go to Father! Anything to get away from your carping!” He stormed out of the house. “I hate sheep! If I had my way, I’d butcher every one of them!”
    Bathshua appeared in the doorway, arms akimbo, chest heaving. “And then what would you have? Nothing!”
    “I’d have the money from their meat and hides. That’s what I’d have.”
    “All of which you’d spend in a week. Then what? Have I raised such a fool?”
    Er called her a