were doing fine. Just fine. Now youâve messed all of that up. Weâll never be the same.â
âCome on, Hannah. We have a lot to talk about.â
âI donât think so. Youâve got your answer now, so go.â
âI canât leave now that youâve told me this.â
âPlease go.â Her eyes filled again.
Her plea tore at his heart. Clearly, they had more to say to each other, but maybe now wasnât the best time. He was still too shocked, too confused to make any decisions that would affect their lives. Three lives.
âI wonât stay gone, you know. Iâm living in Milford now, and Iâm sticking around this time.â
Either she didnât hear him or she refused to answer, but Hannah hurried him toward the door andclosed it behind him. As the cold enfolded him, this time seeping to his very core rather than only touching his extremities, Todd realized that Hannah was right about one thing: None of them would ever be the same.
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It wasnât until Todd was back at his Commerce Road town house and eating chicken noodle soup that refused to warm his chilled insides that he realized heâd never apologized to Hannah. After traveling from the other side of the world in miles and in years of effort, he hadnât even managed to do the most important thing heâd come to town to accomplish.
âYou were too busy trying not to swallow your tongue to remember anything else,â he said to the stacked boxes around him.
Sitting at the new glass dinette in the kitchen, he stared down into the soup bowl and stirred the noodles into a whirlpool. His thoughts traveled in a similar circular pattern, but unlike the liquid, they wouldnât stop spinning.
A child. His child. Of course, he should have considered the possibility that Hannah could have become pregnant. He knew the textbook mechanics of reproduction and the potential consequences of unprotected sex, but heâd never once considered that they might have made a child together. He and Hannah had only made love that one time. Apparently, it only took once.
The returned letters and unanswered calls made sense now. Not only had he left her alone with herguilt over what had happened between them, but heâd also left her alone with his child.
Alone. He felt that way now as he sat with only the bare walls and the truth to keep him company. He suddenly felt a stronger need to connect with his parents than he had at any time since heâd hugged them goodbye in Kranji a week earlier. But what would he say to them if he called? He could just imagine how that conversation would go: âHello, Mom and Dad. Or should I say Grandma and Grandpa? I have just the best news.â
He shook his head. No, that conversation would have to wait for another day when he was prepared to hear disappointment of that magnitude over international phone lines. He wasnât ready for that when he hadnât digested it himself yet.
But there was one call he could make now. He pulled out the phone book, looked up the name and dialed. He didnât even identify himself when the man answered on the second ring.
âWhy didnât you tell me?â Todd said simply.
Andrew Westin sighed loudly into the line. âTodd. I had an idea I would be hearing from you.â
âYou could have saved yourself the call by telling me before.â
âYou make it sound so easy.â
His jaw was so tightly clenched in frustration that it took Todd a few seconds to be able to answer at all and a few seconds more to answer civilly. âIt was easy. The first time I called the church, you couldhave said, âHey, Todd, itâs good to hear from you. Just thought you should know, youâre a dad.ââ
âSure, I could have done that.â
âThen why didnât you?â
âIt wasnât my place. Then or now.â
Todd stalked over to the tan striped couch, dropped onto it and