A Field Guide to Burying Your Parents Read Online Free PDF

water.
    Be a family again. The last time we were a family is the worst memory of all.
    “And delivering the eulogy in today’s services is Evelyn’s eldest son, Huston Hawkes,” the rector says, stepping down from
the pulpit and making room for my brother.
    Huston climbs the steps determinedly, pulling a tiny piece of paper out of his inside coat pocket. I wrap my arm around Leo
as he continues to sob, and look down the pew at Abigail. Her mood has been swinging wildly between rage and despondency while
she tries to figure out whose fault this is and whom she needs to speak with to make this whole thing go away. She wipes her
tears away with angry fists. Her husband, Manny, gently tries to soothe her. I can see her entire body stiffen. I sit back
in the pew, look up at Huston and wait. Wait for him to start speaking. Wait for any of this to sink in. Wait until I stop
thinking that this can’t be happening. That it must be happening to someone else’s family.
    “Thank you so much for coming. Mom would really love… have
loved
—” Huston takes a deep breath and steadies himself. I look up at the sweeping, coffered ceiling of All Saints Church. This
is all a dream.
    Huston continues, “Mom would have really loved to have seen you all.” He stops again, taking a step back and looking up, resting
his hands at his hips. He breathes. His lips are tightly compressed as he scans the church’s architecture. He breathes again.
I pull Leo closer.
    “I can’t take… much more of this,” Leo whispers through sobs.
    “I know, sweetie… I know,” I whisper back, smoothing my hand over his back.
    Steeling himself, Huston continues, “The last words Mom said to me were in a voice mail message she left detailing the reasons
why I shouldn’t use real wood for the deck I was building.” The large crowd sniffles a laugh, nodding in agreement. Huston
doesn’t look up from the paper.
    “It seems so trivial, but it’s in those seemingly insignificant details where I felt her love the most. Where I’ll miss her
the most.” Huston stops, his voice is barely over a whisper. He exhales, situating the microphone, smoothing the little paper
again. This can’t be happening. Abigail lets out the tiniest sigh. Manny pulls her close. She lets him.
    “She was interested in everything about me—from why I haven’t settled down with a ‘nice girl’ to whether or not I’m going
to plant lavender in my backyard.” The crowd sniffles out another giggle. My face remains vacant. Leo softens in my arms.
    “The day-to-day,” Huston says. He makes eye contact with me for the first time. I allow the smallest of comforting smiles
and immediately feel hypocritical and morbid. Huston gives me a quick nod. I fidget with the hem of my skirt and clear my
throat. I feel a comforting hand curl around mine—calming me.
    John
.
    The teakettle whistles, steam billowing from its curling red spout. I turn off the burner and try to catch my breath.
    The rain has really started coming down again. The large windows around my house are sheeted with rain. I can smell the freshness
it brings. Smells like outside. I breathe it in.
    Back then, in those critical moments, it seemed easier to walk away from everyone all at once. Even John, the man I had been
seeing for almost a year. The man I struggled to get my clothes off with in the heat of the moment. The man with whom I thought
I would spend the rest of my life. A man who, unlike Tim, pressed everything, pushed every button (both good and bad) and
challenged every aspect of my life… whether I liked it or not. I held that tightly to Mom once. I thought she would live forever.
And I was wrong. I couldn’t take losing anyone else and so… here I am in a relationship where my “boyfriend” didn’t even know
I had a family, let alone ever met them.
    I look past the rain-drenched windows, drop a Tension Tamer tea bag into the awaiting mug, and add the hot water. As the minty