A Fashionably Dead Christmas: Hot Damned Series, Book 5 Read Online Free PDF Page B

bit.”
     
    “And?” she prompted.
     
    “Well, I might have induced a few influenzas, created strife amongst several popular bands, twisted a couple vocal chords, encouraged some unsavory addictions… ”
     
    Mother Nature cleared her throat loudly, slapped her hands onto her hips, and gave her son a glare that made me want to hide.
     
    “Fine,” he huffed. “I gave forty-two bands the crabs so Journey had very little to no competition. Is that what you wanted me to say?” he yelled at his mother.
     
    “Oh my Hell, that is just wrong and horrible,” I said with a disgusted groan.
     
    I was pretty sure Ethan had a coughing fit for real this time.
     
    “Yes. Of course it was. And your point would be?” Satan asked, completely stymied as to why anything he did would be wrong.
     
    “Nothing. Forget it,” I said as I pressed my temples.
     
    I tried to remember if I’d been wasted when I decided inviting my family for the holiday was a good idea. The only problem with that theory was that it was next to impossible for a Vamp to tie one on. Not to mention, I was a young Vampyre and could only drink blood. I had a few hundred years before I could tolerate any other kind of liquid—alcohol or not.
     
    “So it went poorly then?” Mother Nature asked her boy.
     
    “Yesssssss,” Satan whined with an unhappy shake of his head. “Getting the band back together is apparently not going to happen.”
     
    My gaze bounced between my grandmother and my uncle. “Because I enjoy asking questions I don’t want the answers to, why in the Hell are you trying to get the band back together?”
     
    My Uncle stared at me like I’d grown two heads.
     
    “Because I want them to play at a ceremony I’m attending… ” he started explaining and then stopped abruptly. Slapping his hand over his mouth, his eyes grew wide with something I couldn’t put my finger on.
     
    “What kind of ceremony? Where do you want them to play? In Hell?”
     
    I giggled. My Uncle’s Journey obsession bordered on stalking.
     
    “Um… not exactly,” he hedged. “It’s a surprise.”
     
    “Please don’t tell me you’re trying to join the band,” I said as Ethan’s fourth coughing fit ensued.
     
    “Sweet Universe on fire,” Mother Nature said gleefully. “He tried that in the seventies. It was a no go then too. He doesn’t like to admit it, but my dear son is tone deaf.”
     
    “That’s quite enough, Mother , ” Satan grumbled as he flicked a pile of red ornamental balls off the table sending them crashing to the floor.
     
    Without a thought I aimed and fired. The zap to my uncle’s ass was loud and satisfying. However, the appalled silence in the room after the fact—including mine—was scary.
     
    Satan was frozen like a statue—an angry frightening statue from Hell.
     
    “Um… sorry,” I muttered, wondering if I was going to be alive to celebrate the holidays. “I did warn you about messing up my stuff.”
     
    My words came out like a strangled croak.
     
    Ethan stood and quickly shielded my body with his.
     
    Shitbrainsfuckballs.
     
    “Bravo! That was outstanding,” Mother Nature yelled. “Satan—if you retaliate, I will take back your birthday.”
     
    “How? Can you really do that?” he asked.
     
    Glittering black magic floated around him and I stepped out from behind my mate. It was my bad and Ethan would not suffer due to my itchy fingers.
     
    “Yes. I’m Mother fucking Nature,” she replied airily. “I can do whatever I want.”
     
    “Hmmmm… I’ve grown quite fond of the April first date.” Satan paused dramatically and considered. “Astrid, you’re safe this time. But since you burned a hole in a five thousand dollar pair of pants, and possibly scarred my perfect ass, I get to enhance four of your Christmas decorations.”
     
    I didn’t trust the wicked gleam in his eyes.
     
    “How in the Hell did your pants cost five thousand dollars?” I stared doubtfully at his pants.