A Constant Reminder Read Online Free PDF

needed to see what he had become. Adam abruptly stood.
    She could see him clearly now. She wished she had never turned on the lights.
    “How can you bear to show your face at this house loaded on whatever drugs you’re on?” She asked the question hoping this time honest words would spring from his chapped and blistered lips.
    Adam looked down at the spilled orange juice before attempting to answer. “I’m clean.” The same lie he told her so many times before tonight.
    “Who are you? You’re not the son I raised. Adam, you are so much better than this. You are not welcome in this house and you know it.”
    “Yeah yeah I know but I’m trying to get something together. I’m trying to get myself together but I just need a little help.”
    “Lies, lies and more lies. I’m exhausted with your lies.”
    “You don’t believe me.”
    “No I don’t. Your father would turn over in his grave if he could see what you’ve become.”
    “And what is that Mother? What am I?” Adam growled.
    “I don’t know what you are.” Jane’s voice began to quiver. “But I know you’re not my son.”
    Something inside Adam needed to cry. The tears were there underneath the haze and the lasting effects of the heroin. Adam knew the truth. They would never fully reach the surface. Rage always covered his true emotions.
    “Mother, can I have some goddamn money?” Jane’s eyes grew wide at Adam’s insolence. She couldn’t believe after all that had just happened Adam was still focused on getting money. He was like some impenetrable force. Her words didn’t hurt or shock him. He only wanted money for drugs.
    The sudden urge to give up on him and throw in the towel hit her in the chest. She wondered what she had done wrong. Did she give him too much growing up, too many material things? Did she shelter him from pain? Did she give him a false sense of the world? Did she overlook the telltale signs? What were the signs your kid would one day become a drug addict? Why hadn’t therapy and rehab worked? Why wasn’t her love enough after her husband died? Maybe Adam just didn’t love her as much as he loved his father.
    Would things be this bad forever? There were so many questions and absolutely no concrete answers.
    Jane took a step forward and grabbed her purse off the counter. She checked her wallet for her credit cards and cash. Every thing seemed to be there. She got to her purse before he could get her cash.
    Adam hadn’t gotten a chance to get what he came for. Jane was relieved but Adam was cursing himself for it. Jane clutched her purse close to her chest.
    “Clean up the mess you made and get the hell out of my house before I call the police.”
    Adam knew the police would get there quickly. They didn’t have anything else to do in this neighborhood. He didn’t want any trouble. He would rather die than be in jail. The drug withdrawal you felt in a jail cell was worse than death. It was like your blood was boiling under a hot flame.
    Adam noticed how his mother’s hand fidgeted in the pocket of her robe. She had the gun, his father’s old 9mm handgun. Adam really needed that gun. He could fetch a good price on the street for that pistol. He could never figure out where his mother kept it or rather hid it.
    Adam realized Tony was going to be pissed if he came back empty handed. Adam grabbed a roll of paper towels off the kitchen island. He stooped to clean the orange juice off the new floor tiles.
    Jane carefully scrutinized him the entire time. When Adam was finished he throw the wet paper towels in the trashcan.
    “Mother.” Adam took a breath. “Can I have just twenty dollars?”
    “If I give you twenty will you stay away? I don’t want to see you like this.”
    “Yes, yes mother I swear to God.” Adam shook his head. “The next time you see me I will be clean. I don’t want to be a junkie.”
    “Adam, promise me.”
    “I promise, whatever.” Adam believed his own words. He wasn’t coming back to this