more dangerous than the
Colonies.”
“Many men visit
India and return home in perfectly good health.”
“Yes, but
Bertram has the worst of luck. If anyone dies, he will and I’ll be
free to marry you. We could make love every morning, noon and
night.”
“I’d be dead
from exhaustion by the end of the first week. You’d have to resume
your search for a more manly man unless Oldham’s mother flies off
to Valhalla.”
“You’d enjoy
being married to me…”
“Perhaps if I
could forget you have a habit of keeping three lovers on the go at
any one time I would, but I’m afraid the position has been filled.”
His naked companion abruptly sat up mesmerising him with her wobbly
breasts.
“Filled?”
Staring at his
lover’s breasts made him think of the ones waiting at home. His
wife’s breasts were a trifle large, but they were a much more
pleasing shape. Why hadn’t he ever noticed that Lady Gillingham’s
breasts drooped unevenly? “Did you know your left breast is larger
than the right?” Her breasts jiggled faster as she slapped his
chest dragging his attention back to her angry eyes.
“What do you
mean the position is filled?”
“I’ve taken a
wife.”
“When?”
“This
afternoon.”
“Today? You
married some poor woman and then left her to see me? Are you
heartless?”
“She’s
sleeping.”
“Sleeping? You
never mentioned you were looking for a wife.”
“I wasn’t.”
“What happened
to change your mind?”
“Nothing that
concerns you; I don’t see why you’re so upset.”
“I was planning
to marry you!”
“You have a
husband…”
“I might
already be a widow; you could have married me.”
“I was never
going to offer you the position. I had every intention of dying a
bachelor, but I changed my mind last night and there it is. I
refuse to explain my actions to my mistress.”
“Is that all I
am; your mistress?”
“Yes, like I’m
one of your many lovers. We enjoy each other’s…”
She thumped his
chest with her fist making him grunt in pain. “You’re my
favourite!”
“I thought
Oldham was your favourite. He’ll certainly be the richest when his
father dies.”
“Is she
beautiful?”
“Not next to
you.” The woman kneeling over him seemed momentarily mollified.
“Is she
rich?”
“Penniless.”
“Is she well
connected?”
“Not
really.”
“She must have
perfect breasts.”
“She’s too fat
for perfection.”
“You married a
penniless ugly fat woman?”
“I didn’t say
she was ugly.”
“Why?”
“I have my
reasons.”
“Well you can’t
be in love with her or you wouldn’t leave her sleeping alone.”
“I’m not in
love.”
“Then why did
you marry her?”
“That’s my
business.”
“Well who is
she?”
“Mrs Rosamund
Philip’s sister, Miss Lily Leigh.”
“The vapid
orange haired creature who follows Mrs Philips like a fat
subservient shadow?”
“Yes.”
“You weren’t
going to marry me, but you chained yourself to an ugly drudge?”
“She isn’t
ugly; she’s quite pretty.”
“Get out of my
bed. Get out of my house.”
“What’s the
matter? I told you a thousand times I wouldn’t marry you…”
“And all the
while you gave me a thousand reasons to hope you’d change your
mind.”
“Hope? What are
you talking about? I made it clear…” She thumped him again before
jumping off the bed and racing towards the mantel and picking up
the first thing that came to hand; a Chinese vase smashed on the
floor beside the bed and was soon joined by an Indian God.”
“I can’t
believe all I’ve been to you is a minute of pleasure…” A ceramic
shepherd landed on the bed and bounced off onto the floor.
“I understood
it to be mutual pleasure…”
“Go away you
horrid Welsh turd or I’ll write to my husband and tell him you
ravaged me.”
“That won’t do
you any good if he’s already died of fever.”
“Put your
clothes on