A Closed Eye Read Online Free PDF

be on friendly terms with barmen: that at least was what had happened in the old days. And they were both determined to make a go of things, for Harriet had been bound to leave sooner or later. Merle felt sorry for her, knowing that she was too young for her age, knowing that Freddie was probably too old. But what was she to do? It was not as if their way of life cast young men into their daughter’s path. And this way she would never have the fear of bringing up a baby and supporting a husband who was an emotional invalid single-handed. This, to Merle, was the best dowry her daughter could possibly have. She was tired, as if the effort of willing it all to happen had been immense, disproportionate. Her heart broke when she thought of the girl on her honeymoon, and of her disappointment. But there was no help for it. Herown marriage, which had begun so rapturously, had ended in disappointment. Privately, she wondered if all women were disappointed, and concluded that this was probably the case but was never admitted. She felt better when she had managed to persuade herself of the truth of this. The prospect of spending money, after the years of careful parsimony, cheered her considerably, and in a while she forgot about Harriet, for the furnishing of the new flat made her feel as if she were the heroine of an adventure, a fresh start, while her daughter, who looked on solemnly and without comment, seemed oddly static, as though the roles were reversed and she were now the adult. Sometimes Merle hid the prices on the articles she now bought so feverishly, as if Harriet might disapprove and order her to return them to the shop.
    The flat was to be pale green, Merle decided,
eau-de-Nil
, her favourite colour, and one that dated her, although she was never to know this. Harriet and Freddie were invited down to admire. Harriet knew that she had to reassure them, for the following week they would be gone, and she would be alone in the flat for the last few days before her wedding. Merle and Hughie had already booked themselves into the Ritz for that event, although the prospect did not excite them as much as their vast pale green velvet sofa, with matching armchairs, their ivory silk wall lights, their walnut cocktail cabinet, their glass-topped brass-legged coffee table, and their giant television set. A swirling green carpet led them to the bedroom, which was upholstered in ivory, this time, with a pink
en suite
bathroom. The triple mirror of Merle’s dressing-table was already hung with necklaces; her kicked-off mules lay beside a button-backed pink nursing chair, with an ivory and pink cushion to match. Everything was shiny with newness. Merle’s hand lovingly stroked her pink and ivory counterpane, a girlhood dream come true. ‘And Hughie has a study and his own bathroom further along,’ said Merle triumphantly.Harriet felt a twinge of pity when she saw her father’s room, with the desk at which he was never to do any work but which she saw was fitted with a blotter and pen tray. ‘I can settle down to some reading at last,’ he said, incorrigibly cheerful. It was his greatest gift, she thought; his own youth had never decayed, gone sour, deserted him. He was still entire, frozen at the age of immaturity, and curiously unlined, filled with unlived life. ‘You can send me some books from that shop of yours,’ he said, momentarily forgetting that she was to be married. ‘Keep me up to date. And don’t worry about us, old girl. We’ll have a whale of a time.’
    And Harriet hoped that they would, although they had both seemed alarmed, even affronted, at the wedding, as if nothing had prepared them for this separation. Both had wept when she kissed them goodbye, when they realized that their factitious friendship with her husband was now at an end, and that their ways would now part and their meetings be rare. Merle’s eyes brimmed and she bit her lip as she remembered moments of intimacy in the room at the back of