A Change of Heart Read Online Free PDF

knife. “Jen knew you wanted her to wait until you had worked through your posting in Lilongwe. She wished it hadn’t happened when you two were fighting about the baby.”
    He made a pained sound.
    Maybe she shouldn’t have brought up the baby. But she was desperate. She needed him insensate with pain, unable to think. “Yes. I know about the baby too. The only reason she left when you were angry was because she knew you would come around. She was that confident of your love. And you did come around. You understood.”
    Something wet hit her face. It wasn’t raining, and they were too high up on the ship for surf sprays. But the wind was high enough to carry teardrops. She couldn’t think about his tears right now.
    â€œDid you know her in Mumbai?” He spoke without turning around. “You could only know these things if she told them to you.”
    â€œShe did.”
    He spun around. “Stop saying that. Stop fucking saying that. Even if you do have her heart. She’s dead. Her heart is just a physical organ. There’s no way—”
    â€œYou think I don’t know that? I thought I was going crazy. For months I haven’t been able to stop it. But she won’t go away. Why would I come all the way here from Mumbai? Why would I make this up?”
    He shook his head. “I don’t know. But I’m sure you’re going to tell me. You want something from me. What is it?”
    â€œYou’re right. I want you to do what Jen wanted.”
    â€œAnd what would that be?”
    â€œShe was—”
    â€œActually, forget I asked. I can’t believe how stupid—No. I’m not getting sucked into this. Just leave me alone.”
    He turned around and started walking away.
    â€œYou have to believe me, Nikhil. Please.” She chased past him and pushed her body between him and the elevator lobby, blocking his path.
    He met her eyes with absolute, undiluted loathing. “No. I don’t have to believe you. Because what you are saying is nuts.”
    â€œI know it is. But sometimes you just have to have faith. Sometimes you have to leap first to see if your parachute will open.” It was beyond cruel to throw that at him.
    Those were the words he’d used to convince Jen to marry him.
    All the color drained from his face, one feature at a time, turning his skin sallow under the lights. “How do you—?” He leaned into the elevator button. “Whatever you’re up to, it’s . . . How do you even know that?”
    â€œI told you. Jen told m—”
    â€œStop it.” He covered his eyes with his hand and it was a relief to not have to look at them. “Please.”
    But she had no mercy to give him. “No one else can do this. Jen was working on something. And it’s unfinished. If you don’t help, all the work she did is useless.” She took a breath and fought to steady her voice. “Nikhil, Jen needs you.”
    The elevator arrived with a ding, and he limped in. “I think you have that backward.” It was the last thing he said before the elevator doors squeezed him from sight, still unconvinced, leaving her with empty hands. All the weapons in her arsenal used up.

4
    Being pregnant is like being ill without a cure. Unless you count bringing a baby into the world as a cure. Nic will never know how terrified I am of that. He believes I’ll learn to love being a mom. God, I hope he’s right.
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    â€”Dr. Jen Joshi
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    I t had been a while since Nikhil had felt smart. But even his sustained and deliberate disconnection from his lifelong nerd status couldn’t excuse the asinine direction of his thoughts. “What if she’s telling the truth?” he kept thinking.
    After starting the day with that, there was only one way the rest of the day could go: down the crapper. Right where he’d thrown up his Jack every night for two years along with a