A 52-Hertz Whale Read Online Free PDF Page B

this one: FML.
    I’ve been trying to remind myself (and have been getting plenty of help from my mom and my sister) that there are many fish in the sea, but it ain’t helping as of now.
    So feel free to drop me a line. I’m going to be streaming every documentary on Netflix until further notice.
    Misery loves company,
    The Old Darren and the Stream
    From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: September 26, 2012 at 9:49 AM
Subject: Please read carefully and absorb fully.
    Remember that old Head & Shoulders shampoo commercial that said you never get a second chance to make a first impression? Well, it’s true. You don’t. Depending on your view, it’s either ironic or appropriate that that was their slogan, because they’re just the sort of advertiser that is threatening to pull their ads if we don’t start getting some people to tune in, first of all, and then STAY tuned in past the commercial break. The commercial break, as you’ll recall, is the sole purpose for the existence of our medium. Without it, you and I don’t exist.
    The fickleness of advertisers is my problem to deal with, not yours, but I must remind you that for me to have any chance at all, I need YOU (I swore I wasn’t going to resort to using all caps, but I can only restrain so much anger, though I’ll try not to resort to heavy use of italics, bold print, and multiple exclamation points) to get your writers on the same page and start churning out some more stories that people can connect with. No one likes to get canceled. So don’t let it happen to you. This is a three-camera Friday night family sitcom, Rob, not rocket science.
    Please don’t respond to this. JUST WRITE ME A GOOD SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Sorry, but it really does feel so much better to let out that alphabetic scream.)
    Karen
    From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: September 26, 2012 at 10:27 AM
Subject: RE: Introduction
    Dear Coach Olmstead,
    I am just now seeing this letter because there are so many emails from the school that sometimes I miss one. My name is Harriet Jenkins, mother of Michael Nguyen. I am writing because I think you made some assumptions about the kinds of people that send their kids to Henson due to you being new here. Sure, plenty of people at Henson have money, but I am a single mom who spends every dime I have to send Michael there because I want him to have a good education and be successful, which I know he can do at public school but it’s so much harder there. If we lived somewhere else he would be in public school but the school we live by lost its accreditation two years ago and is a place where I think Michael would be susceptible to falling in with the wrong crowd.
    I do my best to raise my son, but ain’t no way I can “coach” him too. Nor would I want to, at least not the way you talk about doing it. If my son wants to stay up and play video games he’s gonna do it. He’s 17 years old. He needs to make decisions like that by himself. I can remind him about food too but I don’t cook every meal he eats. But even if I had a rich husband and was around the house all day I wouldn’t be like that with him because I think it would make him not learn to grow up.
    I apologize if I sound angry, but I just want to let you know our situation is not like you seem to think it is.
    Sincerely,
    Harriet Jenkins
    From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: September 27, 2012 at 5:48 AM
Subject: RE: Introduction
    Dear Ms. Jenkins,
    I’m sorry if my letter did not take into effect your circumstances. It was meant to serve as a general letter to parents and promote high expectations. As a coach I often present situations on and off the field in their ideal way, by which I mean how they would go if everything went perfect. As both a coach and a parent, I know that obviously