99 Stories of God Read Online Free PDF Page B

“delayed” appearance altogether, such as altering the face of a child with Down syndrome.
    In one case a few years ago, a child named Ashley, with profound cognitive disabilities, had her sex organs removed and went through other procedures to prevent puberty and growth. Her parents did not wish to institutionalize her but felt they could not care for her at home if she grew to adult size.

Doll House
     

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    Jack and Pat were in their seventies now and had no pets, although they had had several in the course of their days, mostly dogs, but once a bird as well. Their most remarkable dog, Jack and Pat said, wasa pit bull, Peggy. She was the sweetest, smartest dog, they said.
    This was long ago. The boy they adopted as an infant is in his thirties now. When they brought the baby home, Peggy was curious about him and protective and adoring in a way Jack and Pat increasingly found to be alarming. Jack, a physician, decided that for everyone’s peace of mind, Peggy should be put down . From the pharmacy at the hospital where he worked, he procured a large amount of expired valium. The plan was to mix the crushed valium with a pound of ground sirloin. Ground sirloin was Peggy’s favorite food. When she was a very good dog she received it, and Peggy knew that when it was presented to her she had been a very good dog or for one reason or another had pleased Jack and Pat.
    Jack and Pat discussed at length the sad necessity of putting Peggy down for everyone’s peace of mind, but when the moment came, Jack could not bring himself to lace the ground sirloin with the crushed valium. Nor could Pat perform this act. Peggy was a good dog, she would not harm their little child.
    Relieved to have made their decision, Jack and Pat filled Peggy’s bowl with the untainted meat and placed it before her.
    But Peggy would not touch it. She gazed at it, then gazed at Jack and Pat and left the room.
    Sometimes, for years, when Jack and Pat had friends over for dinner or cards, they would put a bowl of ground sirloin before Peggy and she would never touch it. Of course the story was told again and again. The guests were always amazed.

Peggy
     

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    CANCER DOESN’T STOP HUNTER, 86, WHO KILLS MOOSE FROM HIS RECLINER
    “My son and I cried because it was a miracle … there’s no other explanation.”

Divine
     

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    The Lord was asked if He believed in reincarnation.
    I do, He said. It explains so much.
    What does it explain, Sir? someone asked.
    On your last Fourth of July festivities, I was invited to observe an annual hot-dog-eating contest, the Lord said, and it was the stupidest thing I’ve ever witnessed.

Neglect
     

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    We were in the bar after golf and this acquaintance of mine says, “My gardener said the damnedest thing to me today.”
    And I say, “Yeah, well, gardeners.”
    “He’s from Czechoslovakia. He was somehow involved in the shooting of all those giraffes back in the seventies. Forty-nine giraffes. It was the largest captive herd in the world at the time.”
    What can you possibly say in response to something like that? I said nothing.
    “But he’s been my gardener for years, and there’s nothing he doesn’t know about lawns and trees. But he’s getting on. The crew he hires to help him are assholes.”
    “I see,” I said.
    “So he fires them almost as soon as he hires them, because they’re ignorant, they don’t want to work, but he works ceaselessly, he never stops moving. It makes me nervous just watching him sometimes.”
    “Not good,” I say.
    “So he’s working all by himself today, running around, going from one thing to another, and he tells me he feels God at his elbow. All morning he tries to ignore this feeling of God at his elbow, because he knew God had some questions, he knew God wanted to initiate a dialogue with him and he was frightened. But finally he stopped what he was doing and faced God and God said to him, I want to give you something .”
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