50 Reasons to Say Goodbye Read Online Free PDF Page B

out of the lounge.
    I roll my eyes. Under my breath I say, “Bastard!”
    The front door slams and as Joe-elle spins to face me, his sheet drops. “Good morning my little cuddle-monster,” he says.
    He grins; his teeth need a brace.
    â€œI have such a hangover,” I say.

Gone Again
    I’m in the Burleigh when I see Dirk again. I am swaying at the bar, somewhat drunk but still trying to get another round in before last orders. I grin stupidly and he smiles back.
    â€œSo, Mark!” he says. “Long time no see, how long has it been? Six months?”
    We force smiles and force ourselves to laugh about Brighton.
    I say, “How did you get back?” and, “I was such an arsehole.”
    Dirk says, “Such a good weekend, despite it all!”
    But my world suddenly is huge again. I look at his eyes, at the sparkle of intelligence and love shining out, and it all happens to me again.
    Nick appears behind me. “Are you bringing that round over or not?” he asks.
    I slide an arm around Dirk’s shoulders. I notice, but ignore, the rigidity of his body. I say to Nick, “He’s back!”
    Nick grins at us both. “Well good for you!” he says.
    Dirk worms his way from my grasp, disappears into the toilets.
    I chat to Nick, and Darren, and anyone else nearby, suddenly drunk and hysterically happy. When my glass is empty I point to the remaining pint on the bar, ask whose it is.
    It’s Dirk’s. He has gone.

Mum Knows Best
    Eleven-thirty p.m. It’s closing time, and the house is instantly full. The three hi-fis that John has wired together, which sounded so loud when we tested them this morning, are having trouble rising above the babble of the rabble. The flashing disco lights and the smoke machine, both rented, are working in hyperactive harmony. Our lounge is a nightclub.
    Forty people are frantically dancing, stomping, swinging, bouncing. Some of us, mainly my friends, are singing along to Gwen Guthrie’s:
Ain’t Nothin’ Goin’ on But the Rent.
    Claire, strangely, is dancing the twist with the French girl currently living in her house. Owen, my brother, up for the weekend, is staring at his feet, drunkenly trying to get them to coordinate. The French girl spins Claire away into the crowd. She spins out of orbit, out of control and collapses across three people sitting on the sofa. Everyone laughs, everyone grins.
    I press the button on the smoke machine and with the sound of a rush of air everything disappears behind a thick fog. I see a head floating above the grey blanket of cloud, eerily wobbling from side to side like a Hindu Deity. The only person that tall is Dirk and I grin as I move towards him.
    His reaction is the same as ever: dead calm. “Hi Mark! Great party!” he says.
    I restrain myself and place a hand on his shoulder. I grin at him. “I’m glad you came,” I shout back. “Hey, and this time don’t piss off without saying goodbye!”
    Dirk laughs. “That’s why I’m here,” he shouts. “To say goodbye.”
    I frown. “Uh?”
    He leans into my ear. I can feel his breath swirling around the edges as he speaks. “I’m here to say goodbye,” he says. “I’m flying back to L.A. on Monday.”
    I nod. I force a smile.
    â€œEverybody’s gotta go sometime,” I say.
    â€œI’m sorry?” he shouts, starting to dance again.
    I shrug. “Nothing,” I shout.
    The world seems to close around me. Dirk shuts his eyes and starts moving his tall body, swaying his head from side to side in slow circles.
    I watch him. I think of Brighton. I think of every time I’ve seen him and wonder how I can possibly be in love with him this much.
    I try to look at him objectively, try to work out one last time what is so fucking brilliant about this guy. The party swirls around me.
    Dirk dances in front, oblivious as my eyes moisten. The